For soone with disordered mories, the most painful thing is when, in others’ eyes, you are their old friend, but to you, they are a group of slightly overly enthusiastic strangers.
It truly is painful...
In truth, they’re not that unfamiliar. Church rembers their nas and the experiences they shared, yet, after the mory disarray, a sense of alienation inevitably fills the space between them.
"You’ll feel a sense of distance with others, but don’t worry, they’re all good people."
On a certain page of the diary, his past self wrote such a sentence, leaving it for his future self.
Church tried to follow the advice, but imagination and reality always seed to have quite a gap... perhaps it’s not just about the gap; maybe it’s his friends that seem to have so issues.
For instance, right now.
"Valentine told who should leave~ those emotional mories he cherished the most~"
A song played on the radio, in the diary and his mories, his best friend, Palr Clarks, was simultaneously driving and singing along endlessly with the lody from the radio.
When the car stopped at a red light, he would excitedly turn his head to look at him.
"Valentine! Valentine!"
The fragnted mories described what kind of person Palr was, and the diary made Palr clear again until Church saw Palr with his own eyes, and all the information pieced together into a complete picture.
Church felt he was adapting, transitioning, like a version upgrade; he was trying hard to beco the version of himself familiar to his friends.
"Church, you’re lucky, too!"
Palr stepped on the gas, shooting out just a second before the light turned green.
"The doctors said you probably wouldn’t wake up, and even if you did, you might end up like a fool, but look at you now, you’re pretty healthy, aren’t you?"
"Is that so?" Church replied, slightly troubled; when he was discharged, the doctors didn’t say much to him, "But I do feel like I’ve lost many mories."
"Like what?" Palr asked again, "I know you have a diary; have you cross-referenced with the diary records? This might help you find what you’ve forgotten."
The diary was extrely important to Church.
"I tried," Church said, "Many unimportant mories were consud, not much effect."
As he conversed with Palr, a strange sensation surged from within, the unfamiliarity gradually fading away, leaving Church sowhat bewildered and also pleasantly surprised, bringing him a sense of contentnt.
"Is there anything important?"
Bologue in the passenger seat spoke, eting Church’s eyes through the rear-view mirror.
Bologue Lazarus, unlike the capricious Palr, remained as cold yet reliable as described in both his mories and diary.
"There is a part..."
Church paused, then continued, "You know, people don’t rember what they forgot, nor what they missed... it’s sothing inexplicable."
"I understand."
Palr spoke, reminiscing about his past, "In my childhood at Wind Source Highlands, besides Vasilina, I actually had quite a lot of good friends, but for various reasons, as I grew up, we lost contact.
Last ti I went back to Wind Source Highlands, I t a few of them; honestly, that feeling was quite subtle."
Palr’s tone was unexpectedly cheerful, "I rember the tis I spent with them, joy filled every mont, even the air felt like ad, and under normal developnt, we should have been lifelong friends, inseparable.
But perhaps human emotional connections are that fragile; ti and space crossing cut off everything. When I saw them, I still rembered those wonderful tis and even longed for them, but upon seeing them, I didn’t feel even a hint of excitent, almost as if they were strangers."
"What you miss is just the ti, not the people." Bologue said.
"No... it’s not like that, Bologue, I just feel that human emotional connections are pretty fragile; it’s simply the ti and space that wore down my emotions, so when I saw them, my heart wasn’t moved at all."
Palr continued, "I thought Church would be the sa, but it seems he’s not as bad as ."
"Well, you really are a heartless guy," Bologue said, "I couldn’t catch a trace of sadness in your words."
"Of course, there’s no sadness. I already said the emotions were worn down, just like facing strangers, so how could I feel any sadness... maybe a bit, for the pessimism towards the erosion of emotions, but it’s like this, so whatever."
"I guess, maybe it’s because I was just a kid at that ti, and a child’s mind is just like that," Palr added, "Besides, what’s there to be sad about, I have a fiancée you know, pretty much a half-life winner."
Palr said, winking cheekily at the two of them, an air of arrogance about him.
Bologue didn’t bother with him, while Church didn’t pay much attention, only pondering over what’s within himself.
Church is sowhat of a dull person; in his spare ti, he has read many books, most of which relate to human psychology, with so philosophy as well.
As a Narrow Space Walker, a pitiful person living a shattered life, soone like Church inevitably needs so philosophical thought to protect himself.
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