Help! I Do Not Want to Guide a Disaster Chapter 81: Trauma Bonding (2)

[Trigger warning: self-harm and ntions of suicide.]

Xinyuan didn’t answer.

The question lingered in the room.

It was... Heavy, uncomfortable. Almost... suffocating.

He just stared at Wenzhi. Wenzhi stared right back.

Those dull grey eyes remained fixed on him, patient and unwavering. His freckled face was twisted into a small frown, one knee pulled against his chest, his arms wrapped around it loosely.

He looked... worried.

Sohow that made it harder to breathe.

Xinyuan’s eyes drifted down to his own hand.

The blood. The knife. The ss.

"I wasn’t trying to kill myself." His voice ca out rough. "I just.... I just needed the pain."

Wenzhi didn’t interrupt.

"I needed it to get a grip of myself." Xinyuan swallowed hard. His throat felt tight. "I am not in the research facility anymore, so there’s no pain."

His lips trembled.

He hated it. Hated how weak he sounded.

But the words kept coming anyway.

"It’s... a lot." His voice cracked. "I can’t..."

He lowered his head. "I can’t take it."

The confession felt pathetic and humiliating.

His eyes blurred as tears gathered despite how hard he tried to stop them.

Wenzhi’s expression softened. Not with pity or judgnt. Just understanding. Careful understanding. Like he was trying to choose every next word correctly.

Besides, he had stabbed Xinyuan once upon a ti.

Slowly, Wenzhi leaned forward. He picked up the knife first without a word and simply moved it behind him where Xinyuan couldn’t see it anymore.

Then he grabbed one of the discarded shirts lying nearby and shifted closer. Much closer.

Xinyuan looked up. His breath caught as Wenzhi settled himself directly on his lap. Straddling him. Close enough for Xinyuan to feel his warmth. Close enough to sll the faint sweetness of lollipops that seed permanently attached to him now.

Xinyuan eyes widened.

anwhile, Wenzhi acted as though nothing unusual had happened.

He took Xinyuan’s wrist and started wiping away the dried blood, still refusing to look him directly in the eyes.

Then he asked, "Do you want to trauma bond?"

For a second, Xinyuan forgot every horrible thing in the world. His thoughts stalled completely.

All he could focus on was Wenzhi. His warmth. His scent.

His fingers wrapped around his wrist.

Xinyuan blinked. "...What?"

"You tell sothing traumatic. I tell you sothing traumatic." Wenzhi shrugged. "A fair exchange."

"Yes." The answer left imdiately.

Xinyuan clenched his free hand into a fist. Because every instinct in him wanted to touch Wenzhi. He wanted to pull him closer. Hold him.

Instead he forced himself to stay still.

Wenzhi shifted slightly, settling more comfortably against his crotch.

The movent sent a dangerous wave of awareness through Xinyuan and he shut his eyes, releasing a slow shaky breath.

"My mother had cancer." Wenzhi suddenly spoke.

Xinyuan’s eyes snapped open.

Wenzhi was still cleaning blood from skin that had already healed. He was still avoiding eye contact and speaking like he was talking about the weather.

"I was fourteen when I dropped out of school." His voice remained calm and flat.

"Mum had a restaurant. She built it herself after her husband left. After he almost killed both of us."

That finally made him glance at Xinyuan. Only briefly.

"There are more details." He shrugged. "We can save those for the next trauma bonding session."

Xinyuan stared. Really stared.

For the first ti, he realized Wenzhi carried his own ruins around just as quietly as everyone else.

"What happened next?" The question ca out as a whisper.

This ti, he couldn’t stop himself. His hand slid carefully around Wenzhi’s waist.

His fingers pressed against warm skin, holding. Not demanding, just.... holding.

"She closed the restaurant. She had to stay in the hospital after that. It was stage four blood cancer. She was.. dying pretty fast."

Xinyuan listened quietly.

Wenzhi’s fingers continued wiping away blood that wasn’t even there anymore.

"I started working." Wenzhi shrugged. "Three jobs a day at first. Then six."

His lips curled. "It still wasn’t enough."

Xinyuan swallowed hard.

"I got sick too. But I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to lose my mum."

The room fell silent again.

Outside, the night felt impossibly still.

"I ended up attracting the wrong people." Wenzhi continued. "They promised money. More money than I could ever make myself."

His fingers paused briefly on Xinyuan’s wrist. "I worked for them."

Xinyuan didn’t interrupt.

"The funny thing is that I got the money." Wenzhi laughed softly. A humourless sound. "I got everything I needed."

His grey eyes lowered. "And mum still died."

Sothing tightened painfully in Xinyuan’s chest.

"I paid for her treatnt. I paid every bill." Wenzhi said quietly. "And she still died."

Neither of them spoke.

"I was left with debt." Wenzhi continued after a while. "A lot of it."

His gaze drifted sowhere distant. "Those years were hopelessness. Pain. Exhaustion."

His voice remained steady and detached. "I thought about killing myself more tis than I can count."

Xinyuan’s hand tightened around his waist.

"But I didn’t." This ti Wenzhi looked directly at him. "Do you know why?"

Xinyuan stared back. Those dull grey eyes always seed dull. Yet right now they felt strangely gentle.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

Wenzhi lifted a hand. His fingers brushed Xinyuan’s hair aside slowly and carefully.

The touch made Xinyuan’s breathing ease almost imdiately.

Their wavelengths brushed together warmly... Comforting and familiar.

"Because I had a plan." Wenzhi’s voice softened. "I had enough money saved to leave."

His fingers lingered against Xinyuan’s cheek. "I was going to move to a private island."

That earned a blink. "A private island?"

"Yes." Wenzhi said seriously. "I had hope."

The words settled heavily between them. "Life was awful."

His thumb brushed lightly against Xinyuan’s skin. "But I could see a future beyond it. I had sothing to look forward to."

Xinyuan’s eyes widened slightly.

Wenzhi held his gaze. "That’s why I stayed alive."

Silence.

Then Wenzhi sighed. "Don’t hurt yourself again."

His voice wasn’t harsh or angry. It sounded tired. "You can co to ."

His guiding energy drifted quietly through their connection, clearing away the lingering corruption.

"You never hesitate to tell how you feel." His brow furrowed. "You invade my privacy all the ti."

That made Xinyuan’s lips twitch.

"So why are you pulling away now?"

Xinyuan bit down on his lower lip. "I..."

Wenzhi raised a brow. "You...?"

"I’m sorry."

Wenzhi’s expression flattened. He really hated Xinyuan’s apologies.

"Of course you are." Wenzhi rolled his eyes. "You’re fixing the door, by the way."

Xinyuan blinked. "What?"

"You should have opened it." Wenzhi pointed toward the broken doorway. "Not forced to break it down."

"I didn’t want to get up."

Wenzhi stared at him and frowned deeply.

The sight made Xinyuan laugh for the first ti all night. A real laugh.

"Why didn’t you go to your island?" he asked.

Wenzhi imdiately looked thoughtful. "Because all of that happened in my past life, sleeping beauty."

Xinyuan blinked.

There it was again.

Past life.

Wenzhi said it so casually every ti. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Oh."

"You don’t have to tell your trauma." Wenzhi said, tapping his cheek lightly. "I already know so of it."

Then he placed a hand on Xinyuan’s shoulder and shifted as though preparing to stand.

Imdiately, Xinyuan’s arm tightened around his waist. Stopping him.

Wenzhi paused and looked down.

Xinyuan looked back. His eyes were red rimd.

He looked tired, vulnerable and painfully honest. "Please don’t go."