When he pushed open the door to the faculty office, Hikigaya was actually prepared to be scolded.
After all, he had been lectured plenty of tis growing up.
A woman in a white lab coat sat in the corner; she looked quite young, with her legs crossed, holding a stack of essay papers in her hand.
The other teachers nearby were busy with their own work; no one looked over.
"Sit." She motioned with her chin for Hikigaya to sit in the chair across from her.
Hikigaya walked over and sat down, his peripheral vision catching the naplate on the desk: Hiratsuka Shizuka.
"Hiratsuka-sensei?"
"Mhm." She put down the stack of essays and stared at him. "Hikigaya Hachiman."
"...Yes."
She nodded, pulled a piece of paper from her drawer, placed it on the desk, and pushed it toward him.
It was the withdrawal application he had submitted to the Academic Affairs Office.
"This morning, soone from the Academic Affairs Office ca to find ," Hiratsuka Shizuka's voice was very calm. "They said a student had submitted a withdrawal application and asked if I knew him. I said I did, and told them to give the form to ."
Hikigaya looked at the form, not knowing what to say.
"I've already spoken to your horoom teacher," she said with a note of helplessness in her voice. "He said, 'You handle it; I can't manage a student like that.'
So now, I, a Language teacher, am here to handle your withdrawal."
A Language teacher handles this?
Hikigaya wore his confusion on his face.
"I have to handle it even if I can't," Hiratsuka Shizuka said. "Your horoom teacher doesn't want to, Academic Affairs is too lazy to, so soone has to do it.
Tell , why?"
Two seconds of silence.
"I don't want to attend anymore."
"You don't want to attend anymore?" Hiratsuka Shizuka arched an eyebrow. "If you don't want to attend, you go get a withdrawal form. What if you don't want to live anymore? Do you go get an application form for that too?"
He didn't respond.
Hiratsuka Shizuka stared at him for a while, then picked up a sheet from the stack of essays and pushed it in front of him.
It was his essay from the entrance exam.
"Rember this?" She pointed at the paper.
"'Loneliness is Freedom.' I read it three tis back then."
Hikigaya looked at the essay. The words were written by him, but they looked a bit foreign now.
"When you wrote this, you thought you were pretty cool, didn't you?" Hiratsuka's tone carried a hint of irony.
"Staying by yourself, not being disturbed by anyone, not being expected of by anyone, and not expecting anything from anyone—that's freedom?"
He didn't answer.
"Let ask you." Hiratsuka Shizuka leaned forward. "Why do you want to drop out now? To continue your 'Loneliness is Freedom'?"
Hikigaya remained silent; he didn't want to defend himself.
Hiratsuka waited for a few seconds, and seeing no reaction, she leaned back into her chair.
"Fine, I'll ask it a different way then," she said. "That pink-haired girl—you're leaving for her sake, aren't you?"
Hikigaya opened his mouth to say sothing, then swallowed it back. At this point, anything he said would sound like an excuse.
"Forget it, you don't have to answer." Hiratsuka Shizuka wore a "finally caught you" smile.
"Your face has already said everything."
She let out a sigh.
"I've heard so of the talk going around among the girls—things about a third party, about stealing a boyfriend. It's quite the lively gossip. Your horoom teacher told it to as a joke."
She paused, looking Hikigaya in the eyes.
"So you think disappearing will solve everything?"
Hikigaya avoided her gaze.
"Rumors are things that fade over ti. As long as I'm not here, they won't discuss it anymore. Without a target, the talk will naturally dissipate, and I won't be disturbed by the rumors either."
And then she could return to normal.
"You've considered it quite thoroughly." It was hard to tell if Hiratsuka's tone was sarcastic or appreciative. "But have you thought about how long that would take?"
He didn't know.
"A week? A month? A sester? How many days do you think those gossips will wait after you're gone before they move on to their next target?"
It would pass eventually.
"During that ti, she has to endure those looks alone. Have you thought about that?"
He had.
Hiratsuka Shizuka shifted her posture.
"And another thing. If you transfer and leave now, what will that girl think?"
Hikigaya raised his head and looked her in the eyes.
"She will think: 'Did I do sothing to drive him away?'" Hiratsuka Shizuka's voice slowed down.
"She'll think she shouldn't have followed you every day, that she shouldn't have gone to that shop on the weekend. She'll take all the bla upon herself and carry it alone.
Rumors fade, but how long will that kind of self-reproach last? Have you thought about that?"
He had thought about that question.
But he had seen Ema's state with his own eyes last week.
It was impossible for those rumors to have zero effect on her.
Yet she said nothing.
She said nothing to him.
Every day she still followed behind him, still sat there to eat, and still showed him a flawless smile.
It was as if as long as she was with him, all the rumors and slanders didn't matter.
He had no idea why she relied on him so much.
Had he done anything? No.
Had he promised anything? No.
All because of that imaginary mory of hers.
Her current state was already becoming abnormal.
The way she looked at him wasn't the look of a classmate, or a friend, or even a lover.
It was the kind of look one gives when they treat soone as a last resort—a literal lifeline.
He had beco her lifeline.
But he wasn't a lifeline; he was nothing.
He couldn't stay by Ema's side anymore.
"What are you thinking about?" Hiratsuka Shizuka's voice interrupted him.
"Nothing."
Hiratsuka Shizuka stared at him for a few seconds but didn't press the issue.
She stood up and walked to the window.
"I've seen too many students like you. Your first reaction when encountering a problem is to run away—change classes, change schools, change environnts—thinking everything can start over. And the result? Problems don't disappear; they are just left in place, and they will eventually co looking for you again soday in the future."
She turned around and looked at him.
"You can run away, but what about your heart?"
Hikigaya did not answer.
Hiratsuka Shizuka walked back to her seat, pulled another piece of paper from her drawer, and pushed it toward him.
It was a club application form. In the column for the club na, it was written: Service Club.
"What is this?"
"There's an activity room in the corner of the third floor of the school building. I've requisitioned it. Go there after school; perhaps it can help you resolve the current situation. Whether you go or not is up to you."
She stood up and picked up the essay paper. "I read that essay of yours three tis not because it was well-written, but because I felt that soone who could write such a thing might still be worth saving.
Don't waste it."
She picked up her Language textbook and left.
Hikigaya sat in his place, looking at the two pieces of paper before him.
One was a withdrawal application.
One was a club application form.
He thought again of Ema's murmuring when she fainted on the rooftop.
He folded the withdrawal application neatly and put it in his pocket.
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