What was he even getting at now? For soone who started so boldly, Joo Seowon’s attitude was pretty unstable.
“I an it. Always.”
Coming from anyone else, fine—but from him, it felt unfair. I tossed my luggage down and stood to face him.
“What is it this ti?”
“...I.”
He opened ambiguously, fell silent, then ran his tongue over his lips.
“When things went the way they did earlier, I got panicky.”
“Because of the ID check?”
“Kang Sojeong’s soone I’ve never t. I wasn’t sure. And if they’d blown you after you told to win the bid and bring it out... that would’ve been worse. So I called.”
“You did good.”
Even with a sincere bit of praise for his sake, his face still looked complicated.
“And when I saw you... I was relieved.”
“......”
Hearing that, I had a peculiar thought.
“You gave Do Yehyun a hard ti for being dependent, but you’re worse.”
If this counted as “plan achieved,” then it was. He seed to realize a beat late what he’d just said and went quiet again. This ti he didn’t blush; if anything, he looked a shade paler than usual.
“So... what do you want to say?”
“Don’t... take this the wrong way.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to tell the things you can tell ... too.”
“......”
He clamped his mouth shut there. Maybe even he realized how much that sounded like a whine.
I watched him a mont and asked again.
“I think I do tell you everything I can. Don’t I?”
I share the plan, I tell him what I’m hunting for—hell, he even watched my penalties with his own eyes. What more does he want? Usage for the Dragon Heart? Okay, that one was actually a little awkward.
But now his expression twisted.
“You tell ... everything?”
“Not literally everything.”
“There’s a lot you don’t [N O V E L I G H T] share with . I just act like I don’t notice.”
Curious where this resentnt was coming from, I kept my mouth shut and waited him out.
As expected, he stayed quiet a long ti and then, voice tight, said,
“...You won’t even tell why you don’t drink. Why?”
We’re bringing that up now? I hadn’t thought about that at all.
I let out a short, disbelieving laugh.
“Ah... That was in the category you needed to share? I thought you ant operational info.”
“You turned my whole situation inside out, but I can’t....”
“......”
“Know at least that much?”
He was chewing his lip as he aired his gripes. Then, giving a tilted look, he added one more line.
“...But you’d tell Do Yehyun?”
“Why does Yehyun even co into this?”
That one was a genuine question. The topic had been jumping erratically for a while now. But it didn’t sound like a thought he’d just stumbled on; calmly, he went on,
“I get that you treat people like tools to a degree. That’s who you are, so... I tell myself to let it go.”
“?”
“Yeah. Do Yehyun’s a healer, and I’m... ...whatever.”
“......”
“But you said you’d tell what you could tell .”
I thought I had told him everything I could.
His reaction was more unexpected than I’d thought. The slump I’d been in a minute ago vanished at once.
“What are you doing?”
I looked him over and spoke.
“What are you curious about?”
“...I’m talking about your attitude.”
“My attitude?”
He wetted his lips a few tis, then tossed out sothing out of left field.
“Why are you so soft with him? What does he even want to do with you?”
“Him?” Do Yehyun?
“We’re jumping to this now?”
Maybe he took my silence as permission, because he kept going on his own.
“I... don’t get it. You said he told you he likes you. No dating, you won’t accept him, and you keep things this ambiguous—and he said he’s fine with that?”
“Seowon.”
Listening, I realized he’d missed the point by a mile again. I cut him off.
He was sitting on the bed; when I stepped in front of him, his eyes tracked up. I looked down at that gaze for a beat, then sat on the opposite bed and t his eyes head-on.
“You’re being weird.”
“...I’m weird? Hey, what’s weird is...!”
“Why the flare-up? If you’ve got sothing to say, say it.”
“It’s not a complaint.”
“Sure it isn’t.”
The more he talked, the less I knew what point he thought he was making. We were talking about “attitude,” then suddenly he swerved to my relationship with Do Yehyun?
There wasn’t much connective tissue there, so it needed context. I cut in and asked slowly,
“So are you... mad that I’m nice to Yehyun?”
He denied that too.
“...I’m saying the situation’s weird. Are you going to use his feelings?”
Now that’s funny.
I let out a short laugh and threw it back.
“I’m going to use his feelings? I don’t follow. Being nice equals using him?”
“...You’re letting him hope.”
Hope for what, exactly? That his feelings could grow?
If I thought about it, it was fair to say I’d used his feelings to so extent. I nodded, acknowledging what I could.
“I don’t get the ‘letting him hope’ part, but using his feelings... sure. I did tell him to keep liking and stay by my side.”
“Why would you—”
“Seowon.”
I cut him off again and stared straight into his eyes. His lids trembled, but he didn’t look away.
A minute ago I’d felt vaguely put off; now that was gone, replaced by simple curiosity. Why was he even having this conversation? What answer was he after?
I went back over his words.
Was he upset I was kind to Yehyun? Upset I didn’t share info with him? Or sothing else? It felt like there was a link sowhere, but with a hole in the middle, the topic kept bouncing.
“The core is that I’m using his feelings?”
But tell —using soone’s feelings because they like you... is that bad?
Call it “use” and it sounds sinister, but every relationship runs on so layer of emotion. You leverage goodwill, you avoid ill will—sa principle.
If everyone chased convenience and efficiency, great—but...
“Then why not?”
“...What?”
Emotions always throw noise into relationships. That’s how it is.
Take my father—marrying the arranged fiancée would’ve been efficient. Instead, he t my mother and created a pile of annoying crumbs.
Setting understanding aside... if those feelings are bound to arise as an extra, can’t you trade in them too?
If, for instance, Do Yehyun likes and wants that much more to keep alive... then I can dote on him that much. Keep him liking .
“He says he likes . I can treat him well—why scratch it into a scab? As long as he doesn’t suddenly lose interest and stab in the back later.”
“......”
“So what, you want to date him?”
“......”
Weird. If I were him, I wouldn’t ask that.
I watched him and considered another possibility. The eyes staring back at were swimming with feelings I probably couldn’t read all of. I dropped my gaze from his eyes to his nose and lips, then to his ears.
“No, what I an is—”
He started again, but any persuasiveness was gone. For soone lecturing about “using feelings,” this whole thing was running on nothing but feeling. Which is why, right now, sothing besides his words stood out. You could see a lot from observation.
The twitching facial muscles, the wavering gaze, the lips biting in little nips, or—
“His ears are red.”
Things like that.
You could chalk it up to anger or fluster, but combined with everything else he’d been showing, the evidence was pretty clear.
I ignored his words and asked outright,
“Are you acting like this because you’re hurt?”
His mouth shut neatly. The redness that had only reached the tops of his ears bled into his cheeks in an instant.
“Well, look at that. It’s real.”
We hadn’t pinned it down clearly before, but if we’re talking “feelings,” this side had been first. At least, it was the first one I noticed.
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