We lived together for several years, becoming familiar with each other’s habits, and now you’re not by my side anymore. Yet, I still can’t forget your face. Every bit of it speaks of our mutual regrets, telling the sorrows and the experiences we’ve been through.
Zhang Ni now recalls the way he spoke to his father back then—it was like they were enemies, he couldn’t wait to devour him. But now, he wonders, was his attitude really the right one? No matter what, he is still his father, yet the words he said truly hurt him deeply.
Perhaps when he did things, he didn’t think them through, but acted rashly, making all the pain and harm his own.
How wonderful it would be if he could live happily and joyfully. If only he didn’t keep placing all the bla and pain upon himself ti and again, how happy these days could be. Everything he wants is so simple, yet ti and again, he only gives himself hurt.
"Dad, maybe my attitude when speaking to you back then was too excessive, but I saw my mother lying in a pool of blood, and I was scared. I didn’t want anything to happen to her. You know how much I’ve yearned for my mother to be safe over the years, how much I hope my grandparents could be by my side. You can understand that anxious feeling because you have the sa thoughts. As you said, I shouldn’t lay all the responsibility and guilt on your shoulders. I don’t have the right to let you bear all the hurt for , but I’ve always been so selfish. Every word I said didn’t consider the consequences. I always thought everything I did was right, that no matter what I said, my parents could forgive . But thinking about it now, I had no reason to impose all the pain on my father. You are my dad, and I have no reason or right to do that."
"For speaking to you in that tone, I truly apologize. Maybe deep down, you think I’m no longer a good son, but people change. I also hope you could really think about it. Have you really considered my mother’s feelings lately, even if just a little bit? In everything you do, you always want to achieve your desired goals, but you forget that your family also needs your company, your care, your protection."
"If what I said to you yesterday hurt you, made you feel uneasy deep down."
"You can hit , scold , or reprimand , but I hope you don’t retaliate in any other way against my mother. She can’t withstand such a blow. She has already beco like this, and I’m truly worried sothing might happen to her. I can’t bear any risk; I only hope you truly reflect on how your actions have affected your family. Were your decisions right or wrong? Haven’t you figured it out yet?"
"Son, I know every word you say and everything you do is for the good of everyone at ho, but your thods are too extre. You make it impossible for anyone to accept the consequences of your actions. You always focus on your desires, forgetting everyone has their responsibilities and duties. If I chose to always stay at your mother’s side, doing nothing, just following her every move, do you think this family would still have any inco? Do you think we’d still be living in such luxury?
"As a father, even at my age, I still have dreams. I want my family to be happy and joyful, but nothing I do brings the desired outco. What’s the point of all my actions if they don’t succeed? All I’ve done is transform my pain and hurt into another form, shared with everyone around . I just hope everyone in the family can live happily and peacefully. But in the end, you all only give doubt and suspicion ti and ti again!"
"If you genuinely want to be good to soone and find that they only doubt you, how would you feel deep down? I’m sure you couldn’t accept such an outco either. So why do you want to place all these issues on a father’s shoulders? I have my responsibilities. I gave birth to and raised you. Now that you have your own path, your own things to handle, which I cannot interfere with. But she is my wife, the family still has grandparents and parents to care for, don’t I need to work?"
"Sotis, what the eyes see and the ears hear isn’t the whole truth. You should try to think about what you’ve done and see if it was wrong. Don’t always think everything you do is correct. Is that really the right thing to do?"
"I don’t want to argue with you any longer. I just want you to know that now my mother has beco like this, and it is impossible for her to be alone. If that’s the case, there will only be a sense of danger, she likely has suicidal tendencies, and if next ti, she commits suicide and nobody discovers her, she could truly die. How will we regret it then? No one can guarantee such an accident won’t happen again. We just need soone quietly by her side, watching over her. Is that so hard to do?"
"I know you’re busy, you have your things to attend to. If you really don’t want to stay here to watch over my mother, I can stay. I’ll be here constantly with her, even if I don’t sleep, eat or drink, I’ll stay until she’s healthy again. I’m scared, scared of losing her. I can’t bear the risk of losing any family mber. Don’t assu I’m strong inside. In fact, deep down, I’m really fragile. I’m afraid of the world leaving , even if it’s soone insignificant, or soone who has rely spoken a word to , if they leave, it’ll weigh on my heart for so long!"
This song of regret is already dilapidated. It has lost its ornate words, yet it writes of the unwillingness between us.
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