Actually, I understand now. My husband asking this question is rely his way of seeking psychological balance. He cannot accept that the person he loves most has fallen for another man, while he remains as a backup forever. His heart aches just the sa, but so things aren’t easily forgotten or changed. Everyone’s life path is one they forge themselves, and the choices they make define the outcos they’ll face in this lifeti.
"To be honest, I don’t know how to explain it to you. When I’m with you, I don’t feel that flutter in my heart, but with him, I do because I love him. I’m willing to sacrifice everything for him, just so I can see him every mont of my life. Seeing him daily is a happiness I can’t describe. Maybe you don’t understand this kind of feeling, but I have no way to describe how it feels to be so moved."
"I see now. To you, I was just a puppet, perhaps you never loved at all. But do you know how deeply I love you? I’ve fallen so deeply into the river of love for you, I might never be able to pull myself out. All I ever wanted was a peaceful and happy life. I never imagined what fate held for , but the thought of you being by my side would have been enough for ."
Maybe I’m just too foolish, too focused. You never had in your heart, but I made you my everything. Do you think I’m foolish? If I’d known this would be the outco, why would I have ever gone through with it? I regret it deeply, regretting all the love I gave to you, only for you to abandon completely in the end!
If you had told these words before I fell in love with you, I wouldn’t have been hurt, I wouldn’t have been pained. But why did you choose to reveal these cruel truths after I fell for you? Is this how you treat ? Do you disregard all the feelings I have for you? Why are you so heartless to ? I’m a man too, with my dignity and pride. For you, I would abandon everything, even my principles and pride, yet you treat so cruelly."
Listening to her husband saying all these things, how could Xia Jing’s heart not ache? So things he knew about, but chose not to speak of because he didn’t know how to explain them. Everyone carries their burdens, and if every person lives in pain, no one lives easily. Everyone suffers and agonizes.
"Since you want to know if I love you or him, then why not just tell you? I must admit, I never felt that heart-pounding sensation for you, so I never loved you. In my heart, I only love her, and for her, I’m willing to give up everything. I believe that one day she’ll return to my side, even if I end up walking away from her. Just seeing her, even from the back, brings happiness. Perhaps you think I’m foolish. Don’t you realize, this is my truest love for her. It’s a love you can’t comprehend. I’ve loved few people in this lifeti, but when I love wholeheartedly, I’ll love to the end, regardless of the outco."
"It seems I really can’t compare to her. In your eyes, you only ever see what’s good in her, never her flaws towards you. You’ve morialized her kindness into your heart, a love that can’t be explained or replaced. I understand now, in your heart, you only love her, and in your eyes, I’m just sothing dispensable. If she could return to you, am I soone you’d abandon completely at any ti?"
Xia Jing really doesn’t know what to say. Voicing these thoughts would completely destroy the last threads of their marriage. Yet, if unspoken, it leaves everything awkward and passive. Why is he faced with this choice again? He just wants to live a peaceful life, is that so difficult? Decision after decision, choice after choice, ultimately shatters everything.
"I’m sorry, I really don’t love you. I have no love for you. In my heart, I only love her. For her, I’m willing to risk everything, but I have no feelings for you anymore. How can we be together?
You must know deep down that so things can’t be forced. If love exists, it’s love. If not, it never will be. Even if you stay, it wouldn’t bring happiness, would it? You know this, so why do you force these questions on ? You’re giving problems too. Haven’t you considered that? I don’t want to say anything else; I just want everyone to happily live out the remaining days. Even if they are short, seeing you smile happily would be enough. Today, I choose to be honest with you, proving I’m not hiding anything anymore. No matter the outco, I’m ready to accept it.
I can’t stand the endless tornt of longing. That kind of longing would drive mad. I’m already on the brink. I’ve been enduring this longing within my heart, lying beside you, thinking of my beloved. I never imagined when I beca so passive. All I want is a stable life, so why is it so hard? Why must there be so many unsolvable problems?
This ti I’ve let you down and hurt you. I only hope that in the next life, if given the chance to be your wife again, I will love you with all my heart, never treating you this way again. This ti, it’s my fault for hurting you..."
This may be the best life can offer.
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