In fact, the things Xia Jing talked about, including what she herself didn’t know on a daily basis, even though he, as a dutiful husband, had never heard his own wife ntion these matters.
Perhaps what he had done was right—so things between husband and wife, once spelled out, only serve to make the relationship more awkward. Only by suppressing so matters here forever can everyone avoid feeling sad or distressed because of these issues.
Zhang Yichen listened over and over to his mother recount these touching mories, and he felt very uncomfortable. Although these were not the most important things, his heart ached nonetheless.
"Mom, happy tis always pass, no matter how joyful or happy one’s past might be, ti will always turn it all into the cruelest reality.
We have no chance, no way to change any of this; the only thing we can do is make our happiness joyful, our lives simple. Maybe this isn’t the easiest for everyone, but for us, it’s the saddest, the most painful!
All that was once important has beco trivial—whether you care or not, what’s in the past can never return to your heart. It has beco a thing of the past, and no matter how much you give, you can never retrieve what you’ve lost. Only after you lose sothing do you realize how important it was; only after you lose soone do you realize how significant that person was to you, how deeply you loved them. No one ever treasures what they have; they always wait until it’s gone to realize how significant that person was to them, how they should have cherished them. But is it really useful to think this way? The other person has already left you; they are gone, and they no longer love you or have any connection with you. Do you think you would still be happy together?"
"Child, there are so things that as a mother, I shouldn’t tell you, and sotis speaking these words has no benefit. But do you know? So things can’t just be forgotten if you want to forget them. I, too, wish I could live a joyful life; I, too, hope to have the happiest life. Why is it that the path I chose ultimately determined my fate? One misstep leads to another, ending in total disaster. I lost the person who loved most and the biggest support of my life. I could lose the whole world, but I truly don’t want to leave him!"
Actually, they say that heaven is fair, but who has considered that heaven is actually the most selfish and unfair? Seeing you with sothing beautiful, it wants to destroy you, giving you pain instead. But has it ever considered that it’s precisely because of this careless infliction of pain that people leave? It never contemplated how an indifferent thought could lead a couple who could have been happy to despair. Everything one does is without consideration that, in fact, a person’s fate is prearranged—what actions they take, what words they say, what outcos they face are all destined. So why bother trying to change it all?"
"Mom, everyone says not to ddle, to see whether fate is fair to us. We should calmly face every path fate gives us. Only by choosing the path that fate has decided for us can we ultimately reach the pinnacle of life. Maybe you don’t understand now, but having experienced so much, I already know what actions and choices will lead to what outcos. I’ve beco numb; I’m not sure what I’m doing all this for, nor do I know how much happiness I can still bring to my family. I just want a peaceful life—perhaps banal for everyone else, but incredibly difficult for . It’s exactly because I am in a high echelon of society, because I have entered the upper class, that every decision I make will determine the road I must travel, possibly bringing happiness or unbearable pain. No one can walk these roads for . I have to tread my own path, step by step, no matter how arduous it might be and make that path a complete journey of life. There are many kinds of journeys in life: it all depends on the way you choose to face them and the mindset with which you treat them. All I can do is face them calmly; perhaps you can’t do that?"
"Child, you’re right; I really have no way to calmly face the life that God has arranged for as you do. I loved him so much, and he loved so deeply, yet a single mistake tore us apart completely. I had never imagined that day would co with such despair. I cried for so long; I felt as if the whole world had abandoned . I waited for him to send a ssage, night and day, only to be greeted by utter hopelessness in the end. Do you know how scared I am when night falls? I fear that if I fall asleep and then open my eyes, I’ll have lost her completely. And now, I truly have lost him; how should I face what I have done?
That’s why, often, I don’t know how to face your father. He dotes on so much; he could give up the whole world for , but he’s not the only one in my heart. My feelings for him grew slowly, and relatively speaking, I feel kinship but no romance for him. I gave all my love to my ex-boyfriend, hoping that one day he would return to . Even if I could only et him one last ti, that would be enough. Life has many choices that can’t be faulted, but every choice I’ve made has led to painful consequences. How is my heart supposed to face every road I’ve chosen?"
You’re right; indeed, I haven’t seen as much as you, haven’t understood as clearly. However, I really don’t want to see through everything. What’s the use if I do? In the end, I can only watch loved ones leave ti and again. The ones I love can never return to my side. If heaven gave another chance, I’d start all over and hold on to him tightly!"
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