"What do you an I can never leave well enough alone? It's a valid question, Anput! You seem to be deflecting any sort of inquiry and attempting to redirect my attention from
Yasmin through-!"
"That's exactly what I an damnit! I've already said to stop fucking prying into this, so why do you keep doing just that?! Why can't you just take that as it is?!"
Anput glared at as she snarled that, the Jackalkin's face twisting as her anger got the better of her, and that vitriol she seed to harbor towards for this mont was enough to make flinch; not out of fear of being hard, or out of genuine worry that she was going to do sothing, but instead at the surprise I felt at actually being looked at that way by one of my lovers.
Maybe it was because I was so accustod to only neutral or happy expressions being directed at with the occasional theatrical expression of disgust or anger thrown in as a form of play, but seeing her this genuinely angry at was enough to make flinch away from her as I tried to process what was happening.
That flinch made her blink as she froze, the two of us staring at one another in silence as we tried to understand how we had reached this spot, where she was now growling and snarling at like I had just done sothing heinous and outrageous.
It was that realization that made her sigh, her toned shoulders slumping as she leaned against the table even more and rested her head against my shoulder, unable to hold herself up on her own as she whispered "Sorry... I just... I really don't want to talk about it, but..."
Just as quickly as it had risen, her anger vanished and left her drained, the Jackalkin's pheromones fading too as she rested against my shoulder and took deep, even breaths, calming herself down and giving a mont to contemplate what to do.
A part of was angry that she had snapped at like that, and that part of wanted to snap back at her for being so quick to resort to anger like that, even though that was hypocritical of to do; that sa part of wanted to snap at her for how she had tried to treat like an object ant to be used whenever she pleased.
She had tried to get on the table like so sort of al she was able to pick at as she pleased, ready for her to devour whenever and however she wanted without any opinion or will of its own, and that was not sothing that I was actually alright with when it was genuine.
If we had agreed upon this to be play - like how Jahi and I often had monts where we roleplayed so rather distasteful things for normal people - then I wouldn't be that concerned, but the fact that she actually considered that as a valid option that she was willing to take was enough to give pause to.
It made wonder if I needed to have a long conversation with her about what is expected in this relationship, but I had a feeling that she knew those boundaries rather well - if not perfectly - by now, and that the reason she had acted the way she had was related to whatever it was between her and Yasmin.
"Then... if you still really don't want to talk about it, then-"
"No... clearly I can't keep it to myself anymore, Kat. I don't want to, I really don't; it's sothing that I just... I'm scared that you'll see different than you do now, that the mont we shared minutes ago might beco scarcer because of it... but that doesn't excuse my actions or words..."
She remained where she was, speaking down towards my lap in a quiet, small voice that didn't really suit her, and for a fleeting second I wanted to reach forwards and hug her, but until I heard why... I wasn't going to give her comfort just yet, not after what had just happened; consequences needed to be realized, sothing that she knew as she took a deep breath again and let out a low sigh.
"I... Where to begin..? Yasmin was a 'gift' to my Mom, rember? I think I told you that... She's a few years older than I am; talented, beautiful, mature and a diligent worker. My Mom saw that in her and hired her to be my servant, to make my life easier and to give a role model that was more my age. I wanted to be like my Mom more, obviously, but Yasmin showed how to be a 'normal' person. She taught how to cook, showed how to dress, taught to dance and play gas, showed how I could just live life on my own, even though I was a Begum.
Before you even ask, no, I never really thought too much of her as a woman; I won't lie and say I never gazed at her body and lusted for it, nor will I lie and say I never entertained the idea sotis of having her as my woman, but I t Jahi when I was really young, and I knew what I wanted. I had a goal in mind, one that would likely lead to being a 'woman' and not a 'futanari'. I was doing everything I could to make myself soone Jahi wanted to take as a mate, so I never really considered her as anything besides a servant.
That... was until I got smitten with you too, obviously; there was a chance I would be allowed to be greedy and be both, to have both. Powerful people in the Sultanate always have harems, after all. Mom was an exception to that 'rule', and seeing the Empress only further enshrined that rule in my heart. Jahi was going to be powerful; of that I had no doubt. So obviously she was going to have multiple partners.
After one of the visits over to the Empire, just before I ca over to beco Jahi's, Yasmin gave so news. She... was asking for my permission to be married to so man. A guard. Soone she worked with inside the palace, soone that had apparently been courting her for a couple of months, and doing a fine job at wooing her. Kat, what do you think my first reaction to that was? My first reaction to hearing my servant ask if she was allowed to beco the mate of the man who had been courting her for a long ti? A well established, good man, soone who was treating her right and had the funds to keep treating her right?"
Anput was still resting on my shoulder, making it impossible to read her expression, and the scent wafting off of her body wasn't 'legible' to at all, making it even more impossible for to understand what she was feeling; her flat tone as she spoke and motionless body were confusing to , this usually vibrant and boisterous Jackalkin no longer brimming with energy and radiating charm.
It felt foreign, almost alien to as I sat there, and for a few heartbeats I couldn't find an answer to her question, the long buildup to this question leaving with too many thoughts to formulate sothing quickly, so out of instinct and a basic guess, I hesitantly replied "You... wished her well and gave her your blessing..? You were happy for her?"
As soon as I said that she chuckled; not happily, but rather dryly and morosely, like I had just given her bad news, and that confused even more, but when she finally looked at , I shivered again, unable to understand where the fiery passion that always seed to fill her
every fibre had gone.
Those obsidian eyes were voids of nothingness, the deep black pits sapping all of the warmth from the air around us and actually making feel sowhat cold as I stared into them, recognizing that almost familiar emptiness in many different ways.
"I wanted to rip that man's throat out and make her watch as he bled out in front of her, Kat." That singular line was delivered in such a matter of fact tone that I had no idea how to respond, which made her chuckle mirthlessly again as she added "I wanted to find that man and kill him in front of her, Kat, so that she would understand that she was MINE. It wasn't out of love or lust that I felt such... dark emotions. I... I honestly don't know what made feel like that. Maybe it was because I felt like this man I had never t was taking sothing of mine, and that didn't sit right with ; I had never been told I couldn't have sothing, after all, let alone that one of my... 'things' was going to be taken away.
Maybe that was it, but either way... I wanted to kill that man in front of Yasmin and let her know she was MY Yasmin, not his. Do you know how scary that is, Kat? To feel sothing that strongly and not know why..? I an... by the Gods, I was just a child; still growing, still learning, and yet I KNEW that I wanted to kill that man. Before I had even drew a mortal's blood before, I knew that I wanted to kill soone. For no real reason I could place, I wanted to slit his throat and let him bleed out in front of the woman he loved. How absolutely fucked
up is that?"
I had nothing to say to her, which drew another chuckle from my mate as she kept staring in the eyes, the Jackalkin not looking away as she went ahead to add "Oh, and that's not even the worst part, Kat. That was just the beginning... I an, after all, Sla'Caligo revealed that I do actually lust after her, right? Since we're going to go ahead and be honest about it, what with Leone's incestuous desires, Jahi's mashup of all of us, and of course... you're not free from suspicion either, what with your lust for Jillian of all people. But hey, why not let you know why I lust after soone I just said I never really thought of as a woman~?"
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