I still had no idea what to say - what to do - after hearing what Anput just said to , her admission to having a rather sociopathic, misanthropic regard to this person she had never t, all over sothing that seed so... minuscule.
A servant she had never shown any real care for, any real desire to make her own, and suddenly she was contemplating the murder of a person for no reason besides being slightly petulant that they were even thinking of taking 'what was hers', despite Yasmin being a person, not a thing to be given or taken by anyone.
It was completely emotionless, the way she had admitted to wanting to murder that man; there was nothing behind it, no motivation to be placed specifically on one thing, no drive or passion that she wanted to achieve, no goal... just a kill that would achieve nothing besides maintaining the status quo.
Though... that in and of itself was a goal, no?
Maintaining the status quo of having her good servant around at all tis... that was what she wanted, right?
But why would she subconsciously want that so bad that she would contemplate killing an innocent man in cold blood just to maintain that?
"I can just see the gears in your head spinning around and around... I told you, it gets even~ better-! Tell Kat; what do you think was my reaction when I had that thought cross my mind? It wasn't just an intrusive thought either, but instead it was a repeated thought, sothing that drifted around in my mind a few tis after she said that. Obviously I could recognize that there was sothing wrong with , sothing that wasn't normal.
I could see that, and I recognized it, acknowledged it. But when I did all of that, when I tried to be normal still by telling her 'yeah, sure! Go ahead! I wish you two the best!', there was sothing eating away at from the inside again..."
Anput continued to rest on my shoulder, the Jackalkin staring at from the side with a empty smile as she kept reminiscing on what happened, her eyes distant and cold as she relived what she had felt, what she might have done.
"And y'know, they seed to be a really good match for each other too. Yasmin's pheromone is a subtly potent one, but his..? His was overtly strong; when he first marked her, the stench of ginger was so offensive that I almost vomited the first few tis she ca back into the palace for work. You know what that ant? They were going at it like rabbits, but that made sense; they were finally dating, and while so wait for marriage and are traditionalists, most tend to experience their compatibility first, and apparently they were very~ compatible.
Like, sotis she would ask if it was alright if she ca in late because she had 'duties' at ho, only to co in the next day groggy and reeking of sex. That was starting to get to in a few different ways. Jahi was sending letters, and while they were usually rather formal, she didn't always keep them 'appropriate' to the discerning eye.
So I was getting riled up from my crush, and my servant was letting know just how great her nightlife was at ho... and I an, you've seen her; she's thick in the right places and slim in the rest, so of course I was getting frustrated... Only so much my hands could do, especially with my physique..."
Anput snickered at that as she used her eyes to gesture to her groin, the Jackalkin returning to sowhat normal as she made that crass joke, but what she was talking about made that 'joke' fall flat as she continued on, deciding to fill in on everything... just like I wanted her to when we first thought sothing was awry.
And while it wasn't the most heinous admission just yet, it certainly wasn't sothing that I was thrilled to hear or desiring to hear more of considering where it seed like it was heading.
"So when two fertile, active partners get together and go at it like crazy, what's the obvious result? Yasmin got pregnant not that long into their 'courting' stage, and they decided that they should take that sign to go another step forwards; they got married, and Yasmin ca into the palace to tell that she was with child. All in a few months, mind you, and during those months I was being riled up by Jahi's letters, riled up by her, disgusted by the man who was partaking in her... all sorts of things were happening to my mind, and when she said she was pregnant...
Well, I just sort of snapped ntally that night, after sending her ho and giving her a few days to celebrate and get things ready for her wedding. That night, I sat there in my bed contemplating two things. The first was the usual; how I could ask her mate to co on by the palace proper and get him into a secluded area so that I could kill him then and there. The second though..."
Anput took a shuddering breath as she stared at again, her eyes focusing on mine as she smiled and leaned forwards, kissing briefly and warning "The then and the now are different, Kat... so don't look at like I'm a..."
She trailed off for a mont before taking another deep breath, the Jackalkin clenching her jaw and falling silent for a few seconds, only to continue in a flat voice as she decided to just go ahead and tell .
"After he was dead, I wanted to have Yasmin co back to the palace, where I could then chain her up here, inside my room. She would be my little pet, all mine and only mine. And since she was mine and only mine, I would need to... remove the lingering mark of her dead mate, in more ways than just biting her gland and showing her the difference between a normal Caninekin and a Caninekin of my caliber.
No, after I marked her as my property, I wanted to remove the other mark of her mate, the one growing in her belly. Do you understand that, Kat? I wanted to force her to miscarry her first ever child, and after I did that... that night, when she was at ho celebrating with her mate, celebrating with her close friends and her new family, her Begum was planning out a way to tear her life asunder before turning her into a thing. The exact idea that my Mom fought against and frowned upon, I wanted to do to soone who should have been close to . Soone I should actually care about as a person.
The worst part though, Kat? After ridding her of her child... I wanted to rape her over and over again, get her pregnant right away and force this woman to bear MY pups, not his. She was supposed to be, and was always going to be MINE, not his. I just... can't even fucking begin to understand myself..!
What was wrong with , Kat?! I wanted to kidnap, enslave, and rape a woman I was close to all because I was what? Jealous that soone else had her? Even then, I didn't care about her like that; couldn't see myself with her as a mate, see taking her as a wife. I couldn't even really see taking her as a concubine, not one that I loved anyways. She'd be a good fuck, a decent carrier for my seed, but that was the extent of my 'love' for her! How utterly incomprehensible is that?!"
Her voice began to get strained as she stared at , the Jackalkin almost pleading for to say sothing even as she kept speaking, unable to help herself and unable to stop herself as she spilled everything out to , showing a side of her that I never knew existed.
"That night I contemplated sothing so horrendous that I was genuinely afraid of myself! It just... out of nowhere, I suddenly had this... this obsession with making her my THING. She would be my object to toss away on a shelf and forget about later... but she would be MINE. No one else would touch my thing, no one else would tarnish her. Just so item I was going to keep for myself.
I know I thought about it too much because I had a plan, Kat. I had a plan on how to get it done. This wasn't a thought that fluttered into my head and then fluttered back out after I told myself that was insane and stupid; no, it stuck, and it word its way into and took root. I had a location in mind where I could dump his body, a way to keep Yasmin from telling Mom and Mother about what I had done, people who I could pay off to keep their mouths shut... Everything that I could manage to think of, I did that night, and when morning ca around and I was still awake, I stared at the rising sun and wondered where she was, only to be surprised when she showed up despite being off of work. She ca into my room... and Kat, I was this close to pouncing on her. I was so close to launching my plan and starting it with raping her. But when she walked up to and thanked for everything..." Gulping, Anput shakily pushed herself away from and turned around, the Jackalkin hugging herself as she tried to get warm, all while she looked anywhere besides at , her scent filling the room again, but this ti with a worried, bitter tinge.
"The realization of what I had been doing for hours that night hit like a ton of bricks. I felt so fucking guilty, so disgusting and abhorrent... I couldn't look her in the eyes, Kat. I still really can't, even years later. I hate that part of ... It's made a few reappearances here and there, and each ti it does... it's like I have soone else in my head, sothing whispering to to do sothing. Even recently, when you made that plan of yours..."
She finally turned back, and those twin orbs of void bored into as she muttered "I had it whisper to to do sothing similar to you, Kat. Those Fiend bones we have now? Do you know just how strong those are? I was going to make them into chains and lock you up sowhere in this palace... maybe even forget to ntion it to Jahi and Leone...
Or when I was battling the humans way back when, and Jahi was still recovering from your disappearance? I wanted to hurt her so bad when she made it clear she wasn't feeling enough with us... Those nights, I used to actually stare at a reflection in my dagger and wonder if she
would be fast enough to react to it before it sunk into her chest. Do you know how scary that is, Kat..? Having sothing whispering these terrible things to you at the smallest
inconvenience..?"
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