Tao Qingshan held his head in his hands, squatting on the ground for a long while before he sighed and said, "Su Qing, I’m so sorry for what I did to you."
Seeing Tao Qingshan only repeat this one sentence, Su Qing lowered her gaze and asked softly, "Uncle Qingshan, can you tell exactly what happened? Was it related to my dad or my mom? Did it happen six years ago?"
Hearing her words, Tao Qingshan looked up at Su Qing and finally said with determination, "Fine. I’ll tell you what happened today. It’s been eating away at for years, and it’s been torture. I especially couldn’t bear to see you. Every ti I did, I was reminded of the terrible thing I did to you back then."
"To ?" Su Qing asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes." Tao Qingshan took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking. "Su Qing, do you rember back then, when your maternal uncle was going to take your mom back ho to visit your sick grandmother? Your mom was originally going to take you with her, but you got sick right before they left, so she had no choice but to leave you behind. Do you rember?"
Su Qing naturally knew about this. However, in the original owner’s mories, she had no idea what had caused her illness, perhaps because of the fever itself.
"I rember." Su Qing looked at Tao Qingshan. "Don’t tell ... this had sothing to do with you, Uncle Qingshan?"
"I’m sorry," Tao Qingshan said guiltily.
’So it really is related!’
Su Qing took a deep breath and asked, "Uncle Qingshan, what exactly happened back then?"
Tao Qingshan glanced at Su Qing and laid it all out. "Back then, Shuqing got very sick. Uncle Sun said he couldn’t do anything and we had to go to the county hospital. But after the doctor examined him, he said Shuqing needed surgery. The surgery fee, plus all the dicine and nutritional supplents, would cost at least ten yuan. But my family didn’t have that kind of money. Just then, your maternal uncle ca to . He said he could give ten yuan, but I had to do sothing for him."
"Make sick?" Su Qing stated.
"Yes, your uncle gave a pill and said that if you drank it mixed in water, it would give you a temporary fever and cold." Tao Qingshan nodded and continued, "I didn’t want to do it at first. I an, deliberately making a child sick... it’s a heartless thing to do. But your uncle told that because your grandmother was angry that your mom had married into the village, she not only disliked your dad but also you. He was afraid that if you went back with them, it would make your grandmother’s condition worse. That’s why he was trying to find a way to stop you from going."
Su Qing didn’t speak, just quietly listened as Tao Qingshan recounted the past.
Tao Qingshan ran a hand through his hair. "After hearing what your uncle said, and thinking that just giving you a cold and fever wasn’t a big deal—us country kids are tough, we shake off a cold easily—plus, Shuqing desperately needed the money for his surgery... I agreed."
Hearing this, Su Qing couldn’t help but frown. "If all it took was mixing a pill in water to make sick, why didn’t my uncle give it to himself? Why did he co to you?"
"I asked him that," Tao Qingshan said. "Your uncle said that he and your mom weren’t actually on good terms. They barely kept in touch. The only reason they were even talking then was because your grandmother was sick. So, your mom was always on guard around your uncle. She would never have let you eat or drink anything he gave you."
Su Qing listened, suppressing the anger rising in her heart. "Uncle Qingshan, when my uncle told you that, didn’t you think sothing was wrong?"
"I... I knew there was sothing off," Tao Qingshan said in anguish. "But if Shuqing didn’t have the surgery, his life could have been in danger. I couldn’t think about anything else at the ti. I just thought that no matter what, he was still your real uncle. He wouldn’t actually harm you. So... I didn’t think twice. I found an opportunity to have you co over to my house for a drink of water, and then... then..."
Su Qing gave a cold laugh. "And then I ca down with a high fever. My mom had no choice but to leave in the care of the villagers and go back with my uncle by herself."
"I’m sorry, Su Qing," Tao Qingshan said. "I never thought your mother would leave and never co back. And I certainly never expected you would suffer so much in the Old Su Family afterward. The guilt has been eating alive. That’s why I couldn’t face you. I was afraid..."
"You were afraid your conscience couldn’t take it," Su Qing said softly. She looked up at the sky. ’The original owner of this body is gone. No matter what, this series of events was what ultimately made her lose all hope and leave this world. What’s the use of so many apologies now? The person who should hear them is gone.’
"I’m sorry." Tao Qingshan could only repeat those words. Getting the secret he’d held for six years off his chest seed to have lightened his heart a little, but his guilt toward Su Qing hadn’t diminished in the slightest.
"There’s no need to apologize anymore," Su Qing said faintly. The person who should have heard those apologies was already gone.
"I..." Tao Qingshan opened his mouth, wanting to say sothing, but in the end, nothing ca out.
Su Qing said, "Uncle Qingshan, I told you earlier that if you told what happened, I wouldn’t bla you. That still holds true. Back then, you were just doing it for your own child."
To Tao Qingshan, it was obvious who was more important: an outsider like the original Su Qing, or his own son.
Human nature is inherently selfish.
"I’d like to be alone for a while. Uncle Qingshan, you should head down the mountain first," Su Qing said to Tao Qingshan.
Tao Qingshan glanced at the sky, a little worried. "Su Qing, it’s getting late. You should co down the mountain soon, too."
"I know. I’ll head back after a little while. You go on ahead." After speaking, Su Qing paid Tao Qingshan no more mind and turned to walk further up the mountain.
Tao Qingshan watched Su Qing’s retreating back, knowing that she certainly hadn’t forgiven him. Thinking back on his actions all those years ago, he sighed lightly, shouldered his bundle of firewood, and headed down the mountain.
anwhile, Su Qing continued up the mountain path, mulling over Tao Qingshan’s words.
’It was obvious that so-called uncle of hers didn’t want her to go back with them back then. But why?’
’Also, her uncle and her mother weren’t on good terms? What was the reason for that?’
’Why was her mother so wary of that so-called uncle?’
’Thinking back on the tiline, her mother went to the countryside before 1962. The great wave of Educated Youth to the Countryside hadn’t started yet, and it wasn’t mandatory. So, why did her mother go to the countryside in the first place?’
’According to the original owner’s mories, Li Wan’s family didn’t seem to be struggling to make ends et. If nothing else, just her na, Li Wan, was very different from the nas of most girls at that ti.’
’The Li family... what was their situation, exactly?’
One by one, they were all mysteries. Su Qing’s intuition told her that sothing major was hidden in all of this.
As she quietly pondered these things, Su Qing decided that after the New Year, she would go to the city where the Li family lived to investigate. She had to find out what really happened!
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