"Fuck..." Han Yu covered his mouth, but it was too late.
"A-HA!"
Li i reappeared at the well’s edge, eyes glowing like a fox spirit who just caught the last dumpling at the banquet.
"Got you now." She smiled with the pure, unfiltered joy of a small child about to perform a highly unethical experint.
Han Yu blinked up at her, utterly defeated.
"Of all tis, I had to sneeze now," he muttered, cursing his traitorous nose.
"Co on out," Li i chirped. "There’s no way out unless you want to drown and reincarnate with foot fungus."
Han Yu stared up from the depths of the well, soaked to the soul and clinging to the mossy stones like a sad, shivering frog.
He could barely see her through the water dripping into his eyes, but he could hear the smile in her voice.
"I’ll make you a deal," Li i purred.
Han Yu groaned. Oh no. Deals with mad alchemists never ended well.
That was, like, Cultivator Survival Rule #2—right after "Don’t eat glowing mushrooms unless you’re desperate or emotionally numb."
"I’ll forgive the sock incident," Li i said sweetly, "if you agree to help test a few pills."
"A few?" Han Yu narrowed his eyes.
She held up a tiny pouch. It jingled ominously.
"Ten. Maybe twelve. Max fifteen. I’ve been aning to test the side effects, and no one wants to volunteer after the ’accidental temporary limb loss’ incident."
"I don’t like any of those words," Han Yu muttered.
Li i grinned. "Oh, and if you survive them all, I’ll personally deliver you a sock from an Inner Court disciple. Fresh. Unlaundered."
Han Yu’s eyes sparkled like a raccoon spotting a shiny object.
He couldn’t help it. He was weak. He had dreams. Terrible, sock-related dreams.
"...Deal."
The next day.
Han Yu sat cross-legged inside Li i’s pill hut, trembling slightly as the tenth pill sizzled down his throat like spicy regret.
There were charts all around him, most of them covered in red ink, and one labeled:
"SUBJECT 17 – OBSERVATIONS: Still Alive (Surprisingly)."
Li i hovered beside him with a quill and notepad, gleefully docunting every twitch.
"How do you feel?" she asked.
Han Yu blinked. "I can taste colors."
Li i scribbled furiously. "Excellent! That’s progress from yesterday, when you could only sll music!"
After accepting her deal, Han Yu had been whisked away to the pill hut—a place that looked less like a lab and more like a battlefield for pharmaceutical warfare.
Li i had given him several pills that brought about various effects. Most of them were unpleasant. None of them, shockingly, had been fatal.
From the corner of the room, a small turtle wearing a helt honked softly and exploded into a gooey ss.
Han Yu didn’t even react anymore. That was the third turtle today.
"Next pill?" Li i asked brightly.
Han Yu stared at her with bloodshot eyes and the twitch of a man who had seen things the human mind was not ant to witness.
"Didn’t you say twelve?"
"I said maybe twelve. The rest are bonus pills."
"Lady, my soul is probably growing a beard at this point."
Li i patted his shoulder like a proud parent sending their child off to spiritual war.
"One more and you get the sock."
Han Yu swallowed.
Pride? Gone.
Dignity? Gone.
Stability? Long gone.
He reached for the last pill, a suspiciously bouncy sphere that squeaked when touched.
He popped it into his mouth.
It tasted like disappointnt and elderberries.
The world shimred. His vision blurred. His body lifted a few inches off the ground and made a "boing" sound.
He hovered there for several seconds, vibrating slightly like a malfunctioning spirit talisman.
"...What does this one do?" he asked nervously.
Li i flipped through her notes.
"I have no idea. I forgot to label it."
Han Yu scread.
Unknown to him, a new streak of chaotic energy had begun roaming through his ridians like a drunken cultivator at a tavern crawl.
Two hours later.
Han Yu lay crumpled on the floor, steaming slightly.
His hair was spiked.
His eyebrows had relocated to his neck.
He now spoke only in rhyming couplets.
"Never again," he muttered. "I’ll never chase another sock again. Socks are lies. Socks are pain."
Li i clapped her hands. "Good news! You survived the testing."
Han Yu blinked up at her, hollow-eyed.
"...So... the sock?"
Li i grinned and pulled a silk-wrapped bundle from her inner robes.
"Here. As promised. One genuine Inner Court disciple sock."
Han Yu unwrapped it reverently.
It shimred faintly with spiritual thread. It had a delicate scent of plum blossoms and absolute superiority.
It was everything he ever wanted for the mission—and absolutely nothing he would ever admit to in public.
He held it to his chest like a monk receiving enlightennt.
"Barely worth it."
Li i leaned in.
"By the way... I may have added a small tracking talisman to that one too. For science."
Han Yu’s face fell.
"Why?"
But before he could launch into a full ntal breakdown, Li i patted his head.
"Don’t worry. You’re my test subject now. I take very good care of my experints."
Han Yu wasn’t sure if he should be grateful or terrified.
"What do I do about these?" Han Yu asked pointing to the eyebrows that were now on his neck, instead of his face.
"Oh those, you can just shave them." Li i said not caring much.
"Then what do I do about my actual eyebrows!?" Han Yu pointed to his bare face.
"Ah that." Li i looked at them for a mont before checking her notes. "Co back tomorrow, I’ll make sothing to fix that." she added.
"Sigh~ Fine." Han Yu said having given up.
Having gotten the sock after a day of surviving the pill tests, Han Yu walked out.
Probably both.
From that day forward, whenever a strange scent wafted through the sect or a suspicious explosion ca from the alchemist’s hut, you could bet Han Yu was inside—
Coughing.
Glowing.
Floating.
Or screaming.
And on especially quiet nights, if you listened very closely, you could hear him whisper from under his blanket:
"...Socks aren’t worth this."
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