By that ti, the Great Commander would attack Lao Ba recklessly, and such consequences would be unbearable for Lao Ba. Her intention was not to die, but to live and enjoy the unparalleled noble position under heaven.
That’s why Lao Ba spared her life, letting her exist in this half-alive, half-dead state, while also giving the Great Commander and other Hidden Guards a hope so fragile it was almost cruel.
But this hope equates to despair!
It can never be realized.
Lao Ba, oh Lao Ba, you hide so deeply, so very deeply, how deep indeed!
However, in this situation, no matter what thoughts the Empress might have or how painful it is, no matter how much fury she harbors towards Lao Ba, in the end, she is left with only four words: helpless and powerless!
Truly, truly helpless.
After all, ever since falling into this state, even eating, drinking, excreting, all depend on the care of others. She can do nothing, aware and alive, but her body might as well be dead.
The most painful thing is her consciousness, or rather her soul, being imprisoned, confined, trapped inside this body. Alive but unable to live, unable to die.
Every day, every two hours, is so long, so painful for her.
Even in the saddest tis, the Empress wished soone could end her life with a single stab.
But under the Great Commander’s strict protection, no one can breach the defenses, no one can harm her.
Over ti, she could only learn to try to be indifferent, to be calm, to stabilize her mindset. However, that was really not easy, luckily she managed to do so. In the end, she could only find amusent in her suffering, thinking: just live like this.
Occasionally, even the rain falling, the wind blowing outside could bring her a bit of joy. Or when the Great Commander fed her so food, she could taste it, secretly making notes in her heart, like this is too sweet, that is too salty, or today I want sothing spicy, tomorrow sothing sour, and the next day sothing bitter.
But she knows that no matter how much she ’says’ in her heart, no one can hear it, so she remains in a state of neither truly living nor truly dead. Even eavesdropping on others’ conversations occasionally becos a pleasure for her.
Then not long ago, quite by chance. She had just woken up from a nap, unable to open her eyes, but her consciousness was clear.
She felt soone by her bedside, shortly afterwards, she heard the Great Commander’s voice.
The Great Commander ntioned Dong Baowei.
Before the incident, she and the Great Commander had a habit. Every once in a while, one would report and summarize external affairs, and the other would listen and rember them.
After the incident, even though she beca a living corpse, the Great Commander maintained this good habit. Because of this, the Empress, in her immobile state, could still promptly learn about the happenings outside.
Upon learning that Dong Baowei was not dead, she was slightly surprised. Knowing that he was already married, she thought to herself: back then, how devoted was Baowei to Qinghe? In those days, when I ordered the extermination of the traitorous Pri Minister Xiao family, only Xiao Qinghe and his brothers were spared.
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