Jyn had fled to the ship to collect himself. It had been suffocating for him, being around those who refused to see the problems with Reya and Adrian’s relationship, starting with the fact that he was possibly another species. On top of that, he was the wrong colour! Adrian looked sickly to Jyn, with his pale skin. It was bizarre. It was wrong. He couldn’t fathom how anyone could find it attractive. Not to ntion his hideous scars. Yet deep down, a twisted part of him found it fitting that the two mutilated people found each other attractive.
The passing thought was a reminder that Reya no longer looked his way. A sharp pang in his heart told him that it was true. He’d lost Reya forever. He’d seen the resolve in her eyes as she declared her love for Adrian. They were the eyes of soone ready to fight for what they had.
He knew in that mont that Reya ant every word of what she said. While he processed his emotions, he decided to take inventory to occupy his mind. Picking up his data slate from the bridge where he’d left it earlier, he brought up a list of the ship’s food supplies and began counting.
He threw himself into his work, hoping desperately to avoid thinking about Adrian and Reya being together. He hardly heard the sound of footsteps ringing against the tal floor approach him from behind. “So this is where you were,” ca Beor’s voice.
Jyn looked up from his work. “What do you want? Is there sothing else you’ve been keeping from ? Or are you here to rub in my face that Reya’s with another man?” he said bitterly. Beor regarded him with a level stare.
“I’m here to see how you’re doing.”
“I’m doing just fine,” Jyn snapped.
“Sure doesn’t look that way.”
Jyn whirled around from the shelf he was counting. “And how am I supposed to look?” he snarled. “I said I was fine, now drop it!”
“You’re not taking the news well, I take it,” Beor said calmly.
“By the gods, you just don’t give up,” Jyn said, exasperated. “What do you want to say, Beor? That I’m happy Reya’s chosen another man? Or that I’m happy she’s mad at ? Everything I do these days seems to be taken the wrong way. No matter what I say, you’re going to use it against .”
“That’s not true, Jyn.”
“Like hell it isn’t,” Jyn swore. “Just the other day, I was worried about Reya and sohow it’s been interpreted as wanting Adrian dead! Earlier tonight, I was worried again and look at what happened! They gave him one of our comms and a gun and told not to worry. Said everything was fine, as if there weren’t now two people lost out in the mountain. What they did today was dangerous! Adrian shouldn’t have been trusted with those and let out alone into the wilderness. It’s our job to keep him safe.”
“Since when do you care about keeping Adrian safe? You’ve shown us plenty of tis that you don’t care. Why should we believe that you’ve had a change of heart?” Beor narrowed his eyes. “Sothing happened.”
Jyn looked away. “I was reminded of my orders from General Nessah. She made it explicitly clear what she was expecting of .”
“So that’s the reason,” Beor accused. “And here I thought you suddenly grew a conscience.”
“I’m not the heartless bastard you all seem so hell bent on making out to be,” Jyn spat. “I have my orders and unlike everybody else, I do my best to fulfill them.”
“That’s rich, after you twisted them around to oppress Adrian,” Beor shot back. “We haven’t disobeyed our orders Jyn. We do take them seriously.”
“Sure you do. I see you take them seriously when you sit down for a movie in the middle of the day. Or when you take a long break on the porch. I’ve seen how serious you are when we all went swimming not once, but twice, where we had no gear, no weapons and no way to protect our charges. You guys all think that asures I put in place are a joke and draconian but they’re not. They’re how we should be behaving as professional soldiers.”
“We need ti off, Jyn. It’s not healthy to constantly be on guard all the ti, especially when there are no threats around.”
“We never know when there’s going to be a threat!” Jyn shouted. “That’s why we have to stay on guard. But nobody seems to understand that. And now you’ve made out yet again to be the bad guy when all I have is everybody’s best interests at heart!”
“Their best interests or your best interests?” Beor challenged.
“See, this is what I an! You’re twisting what I’m saying and using it against .”
“No, we’re not. We all have plenty of problems with what’s been coming out of your mouth lately. How you’ve been acting has been pissing people off for a while now.”
“And what am I doing that’s so awful?”
“You’re not congratulating the new couple on finding happiness after what couldn’t have been an easy journey. You’re not caring for Adrian’s safety. You’re not trusting him to behave as a person rather than an animal. You don’t treat him well and you’re trying to impose yourself in places where you have no business. Not only that, but I see that you still haven’t made up with Tassie yet for the grudge you’ve been unfairly holding against her.”
“Quite the list,” Jyn said flatly. “Is there anything else?”
Beor looked at Jyn sadly. “What happened to you? When did you beco so difficult? You used to be our leader. The person we look up to. I ca here to see how you were doing, not have an argunt.”
“Sure had fooled,” Jyn said coldly.
“I get that you’re hurt by what’s happened, but there’s no need to take it out on .”
“Says the person lashing out about my many shortcomings.”
Beor regarded Jyn. “You’re not doing well, are you?” he said.
Jyn paused at the question. His shoulders sagged. “No,” he said, miserably. “The world seems to be against . The woman I love chose another man over . I try to make the right choices for the good of the team, but people hate for it. People no longer trust . What am I supposed to do about that?”
“You need to start by seeing what you’ve been doing wrong”
“And what’s that, Beor?” Jyn asked, frustrated. “Because I don’t see it. Not once has anybody tried to see things from my point of view. From the lens of the leader. You all think I’m crazy and that I exist purely to hate Adrian.”
“But you do hate Adrian,” Beor pointed out.
Jyn chose not to answer and continued speaking. “I’m doing my best to keep everybody safe but instead I’m scorned. And not a single one of you seems to care about our mission. I feel like I’m fighting a raging tsunami and the only thing I can do is get swept along in its current.”
“I can’t tell fix what you’ve been doing wrong for you. If you really want to work things out with the others, then you need to figure it out yourself. Otherwise it’s only a hollow gesture that nobody wants.”
“Why should I have to be the one to apologize? I’m not the only one who’s been in the wrong.”
“You’re being unreasonable,” Beor said. “The others don’t owe you nearly as many apologies as you seem to think.”
“I disagree,” Jyn challenged tiredly. “Ever since this mission began, I’ve been disobeyed and ignored. Everything I say or do gets hated for no good reason. Face it, Beor. You all needed a punching bag, and you chose to be it.”
Beor looked at Jyn sadly. “If this is how you feel then you’ll never nd the rifts you’ve caused. We’re not trying to gang up on you.”
“Then why do you all seem to bla whenever things go wrong?” Jyn said defensively.
“You’re the reason they go wrong in the first place!” Beor threw at him.
“Why are you here, Beor? I don’t need this – whatever this is – from you right now.”
“I don’t even know anymore.” Beor rubbed his face in his hands. “If you’re going to act this way, then why did I even bother coming? I’m trying to help you, but you refuse to accept it. I want things to go back to how they were, before you beca a bitter, miserable man that lashes out at others. What happened to my friend?”
“He’s waiting for his friend to stop pushing the bla onto him for sobody else’s drama.”
“By the gods, Jyn. You still don’t get it, do you? I bet you still think this is Adrian’s fault, sohow.”
“It is, Beor! I’ve already made my stance clear on how I feel about Adrian. Why can’t you understand it? If there was no Adrian, none of this – and I an none of this – would have happened.”
“I don’t understand your stance because it’s blatantly wrong! It’s not a question of understanding. It’s a question of you blaming others for things beyond their control. We’ve been over this already.”
“Clearly, we’re never going to agree on this matter.”
“No, Jyn, we’re not. Sothing’s got to give. The longer things go on like this the harder it’s going to be to fix. I’m telling you three tis, you need to own up to your mistakes and be the one to apologize. That’s the only way things are going to go back to so semblance of normal.”
“Why can’t they go back to the way things were? Life was better then.”
“Because that ti is gone. Forever. Things happened that can’t be undone. We can only move forward and pick up the pieces while we try to hold ourselves together. You can’t keep clinging to an illusion.”
“Like Adrian?”
“What do you an?”
“He tries desperately to believe he’s still normal when we all know he isn’t. Why do we let him cling to his illusion but not ?”
“Because without it he falls apart,” Beor roared. “Do you really think you’re in the sa situation as him? We try to treat him normally because that’s what he needs. We don’t always succeed, but at least we’re trying. Unlike you, who constantly antagonizes him and reminds him of what he’s beco.”
“It’s all fake! Why do you insist on playing into his drama?”
“It wouldn’t be drama if it weren’t for you! All the man asks for is to be treated with basic decency and to be left alone when he needs so ti away when it’s clearly too much for him to handle. That’s not drama.”
“He’s got you all wrapped around his finger, and you refuse to see it!”
Beor looked at Jyn with pity. “You’re never going to get it, are you? It’s a real sha. I’m disappointed.”
“Don’t look at like that!” Jyn said hotly. “You have no right to judge .”
“Maybe not, but I’m doing so anyway.” Beor looked down at the ground, his gaze lingering on the floor. Picking it back up, he t Jyn’s eyes one last ti. He wasn’t able to handle their argunt any longer. “Good luck with whatever this is.” Turning around, he trudged out of the room with heavy footsteps, leaving Jyn alone once more. With each pace he took, a small part of him died knowing that Jyn wasn’t alright but that there was nothing more he could do to help. Beor left Jyn behind as he continued to move forward.
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