Afterimage (21)
Levina laughed.
As if the tense atmosphere that had just passed between them hadn't existed at all.
"Affair? We're just a little close. We're family."
Instead of replying, Estelle looked at .
"Just close?"
Estelle asked again.
There was no belief whatsoever in her voice.
"Yeah."
Levina replied as if it were nothing.
She took a step back from and faced Estelle.
"Do close siblings these days also kiss and hug?"
Estelle's voice began to sharpen.
"The Edelgard family is indeed sowhat unusually different from others."
"Unusually so."
Estelle said so, then strode towards Levina.
And she grabbed Levina's face with both hands.
"Still, there's no woman who looks at her family like that."
Estelle whispered, looking into Levina's eyes.
She slowly poked Levina's chest with her index finger and continued speaking.
Levina lightly brushed that hand away and said.
"Why, it could happen."
"You're looking at Lavin with the sa eyes as ."
"What kind of eyes are those?"
Levina asked.
A faint smile still hung on her lips.
"Eyes in love. And eyes that wish only I were reflected in them.
Why, they say when you're in love, the world looks beautiful.
It shines brightly. So much so that you can't possibly miss it."
"So? What's the problem with that, huh?"
Levina continued calmly without showing much reaction.
"Lavin can't be without . Nothing improved with soone like you or Seraphina by his side, did it?"
Estelle couldn't utter a word.
She tried to say sothing, but whether she was flustered or angry, she kept opening her mouth only to emit no sound, then closing it again.
"You might not know, but if you had grown up in the Edelgard family, you would understand."
"Stop your nonsense and just confess that you're insane.
That woman alone is headache-inducing, and now his own sister?
Your brother, wouldn't any normal-looking woman be fine for him?"
"Yeah, maybe."
Levina readily admitted.
"But that's enough.
Just hugging tight, talking with , or even just bringing his lips to mine is enough for to live.
Actually, I don't even need that.
He just needs to be by my side."
Estelle now simply glared at Levina without replying.
"Actually, I just need to be by Lavin's side.
I want him to look only at , and after creating a suitable room, I want to lock him there, feed him, put him to sleep, and raise him, but it's a pity you've already gotten close to him. Or are you not thinking of giving up?"
"Would I?"
"What on earth is so good about Lavin? His face?"
"Everything. Even his flaws."
"So why, then? There's no reason to like soone like Lavin."
"......You, what do you think of Lavin?"
"A bug. A trashy bastard. An illegitimate child. A son of a bitch. A male prostitute. A slut. A person utterly without sincerity, so frivolous he sways back and forth.
An idiot who knows no satisfaction. Human scum. A useless human. A cripple who cannot be happy.
A pervert who enjoys hitting and tornting won."
Estelle's face slowly stiffened.
"My family. My younger brother. The only person who will understand . Therefore, the person who must be by my side."
Levina smiled sweetly.
She approached Estelle.
Estelle, on the contrary, stepped back.
"I am the one suited for Lavin's station.
A person who is nothing without the status she possesses.
A human with whom being together brings no joy, only unpleasantness.
Not an easygoing person like you, who makes one feel at peace just by being with them."
Levina's voice was excited.
It felt like this was the first ti I had seen her like that.
"Lavin should et a woman suited to his station, not a beautiful and decent Saintess like you.
Not that Seraphina girl either.
She's too kind, indecisive, and foolish, on top of being pretty and having a good body, a blonde.
The type of woman n like best.
Stupid, pretty, and cute, good to keep by your side and raise. And she lives similarly to him."
"......Not even worth listening to. Stop your bullshit and get lost."
Estelle said.
Levina smiled and shook her head.
"Lavin has no right to be happy marrying soone like you.
He's like this now, do you think he'd properly love a child if one ca along?
No, before that, could he even truly love?
Have you ever received it? You couldn't even properly explain to why you like Lavin."
"That's because you're not experiencing real love.
I can list dozens, hundreds of reasons.
Not thousands, though.
So Estelle, no one will say anything if you just give up and walk away.
Who would say anything if you abandoned soone like Lavin? Huh?"
I looked at the floor.
Footprints were visible on the damp dirt floor.
I rembered eating mud from the floor a long ti ago.
It was on a rainy day, probably about a month after my mother died.
Even though she was buried in a coffin, Levina had said she probably rotted away and beca one with the dirt, and if I ate this, wouldn't I be eating my mom? Saying so, she had given a ball of mud, molded strangely prettily.
When I took the round mud ball and just stood there blankly, Levina forced my mouth open and shoved it in.
What did it taste like, what did it feel like.
I don't rember.
Only the emotions from back then remain.
And Levina had picked up the mud I spat out while crying, put it in her mouth, chewed it, then spat it on my face and smiled shyly.
And then she said sothing like, "It's not that tasty, is it?"
She wasn't normal from the start, a person who couldn't be normal, so why did I think I could get along with her normally?
Did I deliberately not rember?
Even with 'Lavin's' mories, even living as Lavin, how could I have thought that if we just spent ti together, things would get a little better, she'd beco a little more human-like?
Perhaps it's because I also share the sa feelings, the sa thoughts as Levina.
Even now, I don't think anything Levina says is particularly wrong.
Feeling a strange sensation, I rubbed the sole of my foot on the ground to erase the footprints.
And then I raised my head again.
Estelle, staring blankly at Levina who was spouting nonsense, ca into view.
What was I trying to do again?
Why on earth had I stayed alive until now?
After becoming 'Lavin,' instead of just suffering for years, if I had simply dismissed it as a bad dream and appropriately blown my brains out, it would have been solved quickly. Why did I specifically cling to life and stay alive?
Was I alive to live, or alive to save?
I'm still not dead, so I'm alive to do sothing.
What's the difference between and Levina, who shoved mud into my mouth in front of ?
After being subjected to all that, did I still approach Levina, craving recognition, wanting her to look at ?
[Collect the Ending. 5/?]
[Currently collected rewards: Lingering scent, Afterimage, Traces, Lingering soul, □□]
[Reward: Love]
Because I wanted the people next to to look at again?
Because I wanted to feel the base pleasure of watching them regret and grieve for having treated poorly and said harsh things to ?
Because I thought if Seraphina saw the changed , we could once again be fresh and happy like before?
Because I hadn't properly accomplished anything, and yet I wanted the people around to look at differently and praise , just because I had changed a little?
Well, why do I live?
If I died, I wouldn't recall worries, thoughts, or these idle notions.
Saving soone, keeping soone alive, protecting soone – it probably isn't such noble feelings.
And looking at the ugly, repulsive, and terrible appearance of Levina before , I finally understood.
The Levina who was so ugly that Estelle couldn't even reply.
I want Seraphina to love only . To look only at , without looking at other humans.
I want Estelle to love only . To not care about her surroundings, to only listen to my words, and to have expressions she shows only to .
I don't know about Levina.
Because I don't know myself well.
But no matter how Levina treated , and no matter how she abused at the mansion, I wanted to be acknowledged by her.
Whether it was acknowledgnt, familial love, or romantic love – I can't even distinguish it now.
My head is a complete ss.
It seems our blood is definitely connected.
I don't understand myself at all, and I don't know why I'm like this, but the sa was true for Levina.
Her tornting , cornering , and saying harsh things was probably the sa.
If so, Levina will stick by my side no matter what I say.
"Estelle."
I said.
They looked back at .
"Don't listen to the nonsense my sister is spouting."
I idly poked Levina's cheek in front of , then slapped her.
It was the first ti I had hit Levina in front of soone.
Perhaps I hit her harder than I intended, as Levina staggered from the slap and looked at .
"My sister's just been on the battlefield for too long, so her head's gone bad.
And there's no way I'd love a woman like this.
There's no way I'd want a woman like this by my side, instead of you."
I walked past Levina and approached Estelle.
And I kissed her, inserting my tongue, slowly stroking her body, and whispered in her ear.
"This kind of thing, I only do for you.
So don't mind it."
After pulling away from , Estelle tried to bring her sleeve to her lips, then cleared her throat and said.
"......Today too, I'll just pretend to be fooled as if it's nothing."
Estelle said so, then her eyes changed slightly, and she grabbed by the collar and said in a low voice.
"Instead, promise one thing.
As soon as the Demons retreat, we'll start a family right away.
Seven children should be enough."
I replied with a laugh.
"Alright. I'll try."
Sohow, I felt like if I charged at the swarming Demons right now, I could fight and win no matter how many ca.
Though if I died then, I wouldn't be able to grant Estelle's words, unavoidably.
I didn't lie.
If I die, it can't be helped, right?
Sotis, I even thought, what if I'm actually a Demon?
Excessively impulsive like a Demon, and not good either.
From what happened in Lineta's village, to the things that happen to , and Seraphina's and Estelle's emotions, or the translucent window that suddenly started appearing...
Since it happened after I entered the forbidden library, sothing must have happened then.
Or maybe, the Duchess put a curse on when I was young.
Then I wondered why my personality beca strange, why I'd be swayed by others, yet impulsively sway those I love in terrible and negative directions.
The conclusion has only now co to , but it was far simpler than I thought.
I was simply like Levina.
I disliked myself because I disliked Levina.
And now I decided to stop self-loathing and try to love myself.
That doesn't change the fact that I'm a human who deserves to die.
I guess I just have to live again and again until I'm no longer such a cheap human.
Even if Seraphina tries to stop , I'll go to fight the Demons and die.
Sohow, my complicated mind felt instantly clear.
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