Afterimage (22)
The world feels strange.
Too much ti has passed since I surrounded myself with such abnormal and unusual things.
So much so that I can no longer even fathom what it ans to live a normal life.
Perhaps that's why the front lines, facing the demons, felt comfortable.
It was a place where normal humans beca abnormal, or perhaps, for , it transford into a normal place.
It's not that there are no normal humans, but it seems there are far more people who used to be normal but are now changing.
A few days ago, the female knight always by Kyle's side, perhaps due to accumulated stress, sliced to death a soldier who had spewed lewd remarks at her.
And she did it openly, in a place with many onlookers.
She might have co by choice, but that soldier was likely dragged here; if it had just been flogging or three days of starvation, everyone would have understood.
Thanks to that, the commoners' attitude towards us these days was not very good.
Though even if it wasn't good, it wasn't any different from when the atmosphere was favorable.
Because even in this dire situation, our lodgings and food were completely different.
I don't know exactly how the soldiers are faring either.
Probably no one knows except Kyle and the people sticking to his side.
There likely aren't many high-ranking officials who care much about re at shields that can be conveniently used.
Anyway, rumors spread that each ti refugees poured in, more than twice the number of demons seed to arrive; as days passed, deserting soldiers, claiming they wanted to spend their last monts with family, were not few, and there wasn't a day without a fight.
Though for , it was a story I couldn't care less about.
"La- Lavin."
Seraphina, sohow glancing at , opened her mouth.
"Luckily, I got all the cake ingredients, and I asked a soldier who used to work at a bakery to ba- bake a cake… Want to eat it together…?"
"Yeah, I'll eat it. The cake sounds delicious."
I replied.
At those words, Seraphina's face brightened considerably.
"Ri-Right? I prepared it diligently because you seed a bit too de- depressed lately!"
Seraphina headed off sowhere for a mont, then soon returned with a rustic cake placed on a round tray.
Seraphina, who would have been shocked by such a large amount if it were before, was now staring intently at the cake, saliva gathering in her mouth, making a "churp" sound.
At this rate, I wondered if I was actually stealing her food.
There was no cream or fruit on top, but it was surely several tis better than the tough bread that couldn't be eaten without soaking it in the stew we cramd into our mouths every day.
Since there was no usable knife or plate to portion it out, we simply tore the bread roughly with a suitable fork and shared it, but it was sohow very enjoyable.
A sweet, soft taste lingered on my tongue.
"By the way, I heard the Saintess and that Family Head fought over you a few days ago… Is that true?"
Seraphina asked, munching on her cake.
"They didn't fight over ."
"Then what?"
"Neither of them has a particularly normal personality.
It just seems the rumor spread that way because I was in the middle, trying to stop them."
"......Really? I, I sohow feel like I know why the Saintess fought with the Family Head.
Because I know what that un-Saint-like person thinks of you."
"You think you know?"
"Lady Levina doesn't look at you normally.
I don't know ho- how to describe it… but sotis it's just unpleasant.
In so ways… honestly, it feels worse than the Saintess."
Seraphina's complexion looked sowhat unhealthy.
Was the Levina of her childhood also an unpleasant mory for her?
"W- Well, she wasn't normal even as a child, so I just tr- try to take it as it is."
Indeed, Seraphina had often been subjected to what was almost harassnt from Levina.
To the point where hating Levina was almost natural.
As we were spending ti together, eating the rustic cake, soone knocked on the door.
Knock, knock.
After a short while, the door opened, and soone entered.
It was Kyle.
"Knocking isn't announcing that you're entering; it's asking for permission to enter."
"Unfortunately I'm terribly uneducated, you see."
Kyle replied.
His face was etched with fatigue.
"Get out. Can't you see we're busy?"
I put down the fork with which I was eating the half-eaten cake and said.
Kyle didn't reply to my words, and just stated his business.
"You need to co right now."
As I rose from my seat, Kyle continued speaking.
"Not you, Seraphina."
"At least tell us why."
Seraphina said to Kyle.
"......The demons who retreated last ti, this ti they've invaded in triple the scale."
"Right now, of all tis?
Or perhaps you only believe the refugees' words now that you see them, after dismissing them as nonsensical rambling from uneducated, fear-stricken commoners."
"We're discussing whether to retreat from here or block them no matter what, so don't waste ti and co quickly.
His Highness also said so."
Kyle ignored and spoke.
"Is Seraphina that important?"
"Without her, it wouldn't be strange to lose at any mont."
At those words, I said with a smile on my face.
"If losing a battle can happen just because one person is missing, shouldn't you just accept defeat?"
Kyle rely looked at , saying nothing in response.
I grabbed the hem of Seraphina's clothes as she tried to rise, and made her sit down again.
"Instead of talking about such trivial things, finish the cake with . You went through so much trouble to get these, Seraphina."
"La- Lavin. Even so……"
I cut Seraphina off, drew closer to her, and hugged her tightly so she couldn't stand up.
"We barely managed to block the last invasion, but will we be able to block it this ti?
Even though our numbers have decreased, the demons have reportedly tripled."
I picked up a small piece of cake stuck on my fork, put it into Seraphina's mouth, and said.
"This, how many more tis can we eat it? Unless the demons retreat, huh?"
Seraphina hadn't even finished chewing, but I kept picking up cake with the fork and shoving it into her mouth.
Since she ate everything I gave her, there was a certain pleasure in feeding her.
"Everyone's going to die soon anyway, so spend your last monts with soone you love. You too."
I said to Kyle.
Kyle rely sighed as if slightly suffocating, showing no passionate or irritable reaction.
Whether he had beco numb, or was holding it in.
Each ti the piece of cake I forcibly shoved in went into Seraphina's mouth, her cheeks puffed out.
Her face reddened sohow.
She gently pushed away, who was hugging her tightly, and then stood up.
And then, about to speak, she swallowed the cake filling her mouth, and after patting her chest as if choking, opened her mouth.
"I, I still wish you, Lavin, would live a long life."
"It's okay if I don't live long."
Seraphina shook her head.
"You ca all the way here because I'm precious to you, didn't you? To protect ."
At those words, I couldn't even think of a reply.
Whatever I said, it probably wouldn't have ant anything.
In that situation, saying it wasn't like that…
Seraphina followed Kyle out of the room just like that.
Sohow, I felt a sense of emptiness.
I could have stopped her if I wanted to, but when she wore that expression and said those words, I had no choice but to let her go.
Because I couldn't distinguish between the Seraphina of before and the Seraphina of now.
Each ti they overlapped, my mouth wouldn't open properly.
After Seraphina left the room, I took out a cheap cigarette from my pocket, stuck it in my mouth, and lightly lit it.
Lately, I've felt a significant increase in my ability to handle spells.
Though not particularly powerful, it's like having an extra hand that moves exactly as I think.
Around evening, Levina ca to my room.
Opening the door without knocking, she leaned against the doorfra, crossed her arms, and asked.
"Did you hear the news?"
"About the demons?"
"Yeah, they say they're coming in huge numbers."
"So, what nonsense are you going to spout now?"
"Because it seems everyone's going to die anyway."
"......That's the right thing to say, for once."
"Is it?"
She uncrossed her arms and walked into the room.
"If this place falls, Edelgard will be over too, and soon all the days of my childhood, all the days I've spent until now, will beco useless."
And then she slowly got onto the bed.
"You're not bringing up marriage with Seraphina or Estelle, and you're not going out at night with them either, it's not because you have so defect in your reproductive organs, is it?"
"What new, brilliant bullshit are you going to pull now?"
"You were afraid of having a child in a place like this, weren't you? Because you're kind."
"Kindness or not, before that, what are you trying to say?"
"Hold my hand, hug tightly, and kiss . Then spend the night naked under the sa blanket."
At that mont, I felt heat rush to my head and eyes, and I pressed hard on my eyelids.
"Why are you spouting bullshit again, you crazy bitch."
"Today, I held a eting with the high-ranking nobles and well-fighting friends.
Since I'm nothing without the Edelgard family, I defied them.
Saying I'd stay here."
Levina said that, then burst into laughter, as if sothing was incredibly amusing.
"There aren't just one or two people like ; many responded positively.
Half decided to stay here. So, probably half will die soon, and the other half will die much later.
And I will die here."
Levina took off her white blouse.
She then approached and placed her hand on my face.
"So die with ."
I gently took Levina's hand that was on my face, and turned her palm to face herself.
Then I rubbed the cigarette I had clamped in my mouth onto Levina's palm, extinguishing it.
"I have no intention of dying with you."
Because this ti, I'll die first.
Anyway, Levina looked at and smiled, not even frowning.
The faint sll of burning flesh perated the room.
I stared blankly at her and said.
"Put on so clothes. I'll sleep with you."
Levina held out her palm, burned by the cigarette, to and said.
"Hold my hand and sleep. All night long."
I think Levina said sothing similar when she was around ten years old.
I looked at Levina again.
She was still the sa.
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