Delusion (11)
Levina walked into my room, her face etched with a certain weariness.
Instead of closing the door and stepping inside, she leaned against the doorfra, watching for a mont.
Her shoulder seed barely propped against the fra.
"How have you been, these days?"
Levina glanced around before speaking. Her gaze swept over the floor where the broken glass shards had vanished, and then over the empty stretch of wall.
"The room's a bit ssier than last ti."
"Just, I've been a bit busy lately, didn't have ti to clean."
Although I had cleaned it again in my own way, many of the items that had naturally occupied their places were gone, leaving the room feeling sowhat disheveled.
The spot where the landscape painting Seraphina had gifted hung was now empty, with only nail marks remaining. That empty space particularly stood out.
"So, did you bring that servant here? To clean the room."
Levina asked. At the ntion of a servant, I paused to think, then rembered Lineta. I had forgotten for a mont.
"I've found her a room. Just as you said, one attached to the dormitory."
She added.
I recalled the incident where Levina had cast a spell on Lineta in the annex. A slightly unpleasant feeling arose, but I didn't show it.
"Thank you."
As I smiled and said thanks, the corner of Levina's mouth lifted ever so slightly, minutely.
"By the way, you don't look well. Is sothing troubling you?"
I said, trying to change the subject.
My voice sounded genuinely concerned. It felt absurd even as I uttered the words, but I didn't let it show.
Levina placed a hand on her forehead and replied.
"Just, so tiring things have happened."
She said, vaguely brushing it off.
"And the headache you ntioned last ti, is it better?"
"Thanks to the dicine you gave , it's gotten quite a bit better."
At my reply, a faint smile spread across her lips.
"Not running out, are you?"
"I wish I had a bit more."
"I'll bring you more tomorrow."
Levina said that, then paused for a mont.
"Anyway, how are the effects?"
With a slight upturn of her lips, she asked.
"So-so, it's alright when I smoke it when I have a headache or can't sleep."
At that, Levina nodded. Then she pushed herself off the doorfra and slowly approached .
"My head hurts right now, too. Can I try smoking so?"
I made a reluctant face. But soon, I took out my pipe from my pocket and filled it with tobacco leaves. I sprinkled a little of the sticky powder I took from a small box.
Then I handed it to Levina and asked.
"It's the one I use, is that okay?"
Levina's face reddened slightly, and she shook her head.
"I don't care about that kind of thing."
She stared at the mouthpiece of the pipe for a long ti. Then she brought it to her lips, gently bit down, and subtly tilted her chin as if signaling for it to be lit.
When I struck a match and lit it for her, she inhaled the smoke deeply. In that instant, her face contorted.
"Cough! Hack, choke!"
Levina coughed like mad. Her eyes welled up with tears. I slowly took the pipe from her hand.
"Why smoke it when you don't usually?"
"Just, because you do it every day. I wanted to try it once too."
Her eyes slightly unfocused, she mumbled. Her voice was a tone higher than usual.
I tapped out the unburnt tobacco leaves inside the pipe and casually extinguished the embers. Then, as I was about to wipe it with a cloth and put it away, I noticed the mouthpiece was sared with saliva, as if soone had licked it.
Without showing any reaction, I cleanly wiped it and put it in my pocket. Levina stared blankly at , then quietly opened her mouth.
"It seems the talk of breaking off the engagent will be postponed a bit."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Suddenly, Count Beluze sent an apology letter, saying he had taken such an important matter too lightly."
Her voice carried a hint of incomprehension.
"I have no idea what got into him."
Levina looked at intently and asked.
"Seraphina, did sothing happen with that girl?"
"Nothing special happened. We don't even et often these days."
"Really?"
"It's probably just a whim."
After those words, no conversation passed between us for a long ti. Only silence filled the room.
It seed that whenever Levina and I weren't fighting, our conversations always broke off like this. After all, we were the kind of people who had more unspoken words between us than spoken ones.
"Really, nothing's going on these days?"
"I told you I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"A few days ago, sothing unpleasant happened in the family. The atmosphere is unsettling, so you should lie low for a while."
Her voice held a hint of unease.
"I think I'm doing that enough already."
"Even more than now."
"Aren't you going to tell what happened?"
Levina tried to brush it off, saying it was sothing I didn't need to know, but then her words trailed off. She hesitated for a long ti.
"My uncle and mother have both disappeared simultaneously."
Upon hearing that, I had to be careful not to let the corner of my mouth twitch upwards involuntarily. I forced myself to maintain a poker face.
"At their age, I don't know if they eloped or what."
Levina muttered, pressing a hand to her head. Fatigue was evident on her face.
And then a thought struck : if only Levina wasn't right in front of , perhaps I would have been living quite decently or even like trash but at least better than I was now.
Since Levina was the one who handed the dicine, perhaps she was ultimately the one ruining . But it didn't seem to be quite that simple.
After all, I was the one who willingly used it.
No matter how diligently I searched around for soone to bla, the problem ultimately ca back to myself, aning the only way to solve it was for to beco better.
Even if I studied more, suddenly beca kind to those around , started donating or living diligently, things wouldn't change much.
Everyone already thinks I'm trash, so if I, with my ager knowledge, approached a girl wielding a sword and told her that a bow suited her better than a sword, who would even listen?
However, if the words ca from the head of the Edelgard family instead of a lowly bastard, they might actually listen. From a re bastard to the head of a family, that would be quite an improvent, wouldn't it?
And to do that, I would ultimately have to get rid of Levina. One way or another.
I didn't want to resort to violent thods. Even after being treated this way, I still considered her family in so sense, so shooting Levina was quite a shock to , too.
It wasn't that there were no other ways. Our relationship was far too abnormal to be called siblings.
The two of us. Perhaps it was because we were only half-siblings to begin with.
A comfort doll, a docile dog that has only recently started obeying. I don't know how she sees .
But one thing is for sure: Levina is excessively interested in . To the point of being unsettling.
"Still, brooding over things like that won't solve anything."
I said that, rising from my seat with a faint smile playing on my lips, and approached Levina. Then I gently massaged her shoulder.
"How about we go sowhere, just the two of us, like a secluded villa or a quiet place, to clear our heads a bit?"
Levina placed her hand on the back of my hand, which was resting on her shoulder. Her hand was cold.
"I never thought you'd be the one to suggest sothing like that first."
She said quietly. A slight crack appeared in her expressionless face.
It was a rather joyful expression. Like a child who had received a long-awaited gift.
"You helped out with various things too, when I was struggling."
Rather, only mories of her approaching to put a leash on and tornt whenever I was struggling ca to mind, making the words feel sowhat caught in my throat as I uttered them.
The Duchess and Levina, who had calmly declared to the boy whose mother had died that his mother was a prostitute who didn't know her place, and therefore deserved to die, it was only natural.
Thinking about it now, my mother must have been killed by the Duchess as well.
I had been debating when to kill the Duchess, whom I had imprisoned in the church basent, but I decided against it. I want to keep her alive, not tornt her, and instead let her witness with her own eyes my becoming the head of the family.
I didn't want to beco just as ugly and disgusting as her. Yet, a part of felt that I was already quite ugly and revolting enough.
My mind seems to have beco a ss. It feels like this is all I can do.
"So, when are we going?"
I had rely said it to smoothly move on, but Levina seed to take it seriously.
"I haven't thought about that yet."
Then Levina clasped my hand and pulled closer.
The distance between us closed in an instant. Her eyes stared into mine, right before my face.
"Is there anywhere you'd like to go?"
As she asked, she idly wiggled her fingers, caressing each one on my hand that she held.
"I do have a quiet, secluded place in mind..."
"Good."
Levina smiled faintly and replied before I could even finish my sentence.
"Clear your schedule for this weekend. I'll arrange the carriage."
After saying that, she let go of my hand, rose from her seat, and left the room.
The door closed, and I was once again alone in the room. I stared at the spot where she had stood for a long ti.
I pressed the hand Levina had held against the wall and rubbed it for a long ti. Even as my skin scraped and blood began to seep out, Levina's touch still lingered.
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