They say the greatest horrors lurked deep beneath the surface.
They were wrong.
The greatest horrors stalked the corridors of the Royal Villa. Spawning from the wine cellars, their reddened eyes glead from every shadow while their wrinkled fingers clawed at every gap and crevasse.
Usually, these were just the visiting dignitaries lost on their way to the guest quarters.
Other tis, they were the stewards when word escaped that Grandmother was on her way back.
However, no matter how loud their groaning or how pained their expressions, nothing was quite as horrifying as the sound and sight of a long ruler as it tapped at a chalkboard detailing all the reasons why remaining conscious was deed appropriate when hosting my mandatory tea parties.
Despite all my well placed argunts that the sight of a sleeping princess was a gift well beyond what any of the 2nd daughters and countryside baronesses who sat with deserved to see, all I usually received from my etiquette tutor were narrowed eyes, a raised chin and a mysteriously locked door instead.
… If she was in a rciful mood. Which she never was.
After all, although Mada Anaïs Levasseur was fad for many things, it wasn’t her ability to alternate eyebrows in different directions which earned equal admiration and fear from all who stood in her path.
It was her diaphragm and lung capacity.
Putting even the Holy Church’s sermons to sha, she could monopolise ti like a black hole sucked up the sun. If allowed to be caught without a window to escape through, minutes turned to hours and hours into days. I’d once seen Roland shuffling into the chamber of despair (her private study) after being caught deviously replacing Tristan’s favourite quill with a sprig of wheat.
He eventually erged with a stubble.
He was only 12.
“Uggghhhhhhhh …”
As a result … all I could was groan as the shadow of my etiquette tutor ford.
There was no colour in the slightly greying hair I knew. Just different shades of darkness.
She was a haze, her silhouette flickering like smog from a cauldron. Only the crease of her brows and the lining of her frumpy gown were there as details. Of her eyes, nothing could be seen but a pair of endless pits as barren as her expression.
“Juliette,” whispered Mada Levasseur’s cruel impression, her ruler rising like a sword of judgent as she hovered ever so slightly. “I see you’ve wandered far from ho. Too far. You have erred, as you always have. And for it, you are now lost. But I shall help you find yourself again. Here under my guidance, your soul will be unchained from the throes of despair. I shall help you find peace.”
The tangled visage spoke.
A voice so cold that in the pause that followed, only the sound of leaves stirring in discomfort broke the silence. And for good reason. This was no re shadow.
It was sothing worse.
“How … How awful,” I said, leaning away as the dark figure lood. “Why … I have never before seen anything so horrifying before.”
Coppelia nodded, her enthusiasm at odds with whatever look of morbidness I wore.
“Mmh~ I bet that ruler could bonk you from two desks away! Is this soone you know?”
“Indeed it is … this is the infamous Mada Anaïs Levasseur, whose sleep requirents are so few that even when I’m inspecting the kitchens in the dead of night, she will already be there, waiting beside the cheesecake stand with her ruler in hand!”
“Wow. No wonder she looks tired. There are shadows under her eyes. And also everywhere else.”
“Exactly.” I betrayed a gulp as I spied the wrinkles upon her forehead, forming from the strength of her bitter scowl. “… And that makes this the most shoddy impression I have ever witnessed.”
The lifeless eyes widened in outrage.
It only made the impression even worse.
After all–this was a sight so inaccurate that I could only feel insulted upon Mada Levasseur’s behalf!
My etiquette tutor would never whisper like a court advisor readying to betray my father! She was the beacon of confident but also understated disappointnt! The mistress of a thousand frowns, but not a single scowl! Whenever she harangued for sothing I was in no way responsible for, it never ca with a muttered threat to consu my soul!
Why, that was always sothing ever implied!
“You dare speak in the trial of your judgent.”
“I do indeed!” I pointed with my holy stick. An act I would never consider were my etiquette tutor truly before . Especially since holy artifacts had no effect on her. I’d tried. “You … how dare you! What do you think you’re attempting to accomplish with such a slapdash impression!”
“Petulance. Disrespect. Insolence. You invite only the claws of damnation with such crassness.”
“Well, I certainly will if Mada Levasseur catches wind that I did anything but look aggrieved! This is not how she acts! My etiquette tutor is fad for her subtlety, her skulking and her tirades asured to slowly drain all waking thoughts from my mind! She’d find no joy in using her claws!”
The fraud duly raised her ruler.
Like a weapon.
I was aghast.
Why, that ruler was only used for tapping at the wall to remind of the exact pace I was permitted to dash away from her! For an etiquette tutor to use anything but a large heavy book against a princess was beyond all notions of acceptability!
“Errant child. You are in need of guidance.”
“On the contrary, I am the finest student. Instead of practising different napping positions, I’m now fulfilling my obligations to Mada Levasseur’s dignity by removing … whatever you are. Coppelia?”
My loyal handmaiden humd as she leaned forwards.
“It’s a nightmare apparition,” she said as she admired the twisted visage. “... Maybe.”
I nodded at once, pretending not to hear the ‘maybe’.
A nightmare apparition.
A thing born of creaking closets and dark corners, attaching itself to any princess unfortunate enough to bring enough light into whatever teapot it now inhabited.
A thing more frightening in thought than in motion. Because no matter what shape these cursed spectres could take, they burned before righteousness as easily as marriage correspondence in a hearth.
“A loitering spirit, then,” I declared. “Nothing more than a passing ghost, waiting to fade into the night.”
“Sure! Except I think this thing is more than just an apparition. I can feel its weight. Whatever was in the teapot, it was dangerous enough to give its evil actual presence. I’m pretty sure it wants to gobble you. And not just your soul.”
Hmmmmmmmm.
One of these days, I should suggest to Clarise to possibly use sothing else for her teapots. Like soap. That was just as effective in deterring thieves.
“There is no evil in . The blackness you feel is only the disappointnt of a student gone astray.”
“The only disappointnt is mine, spirit. Because for all the length of my etiquette tutor’s sermons, what she left unsaid was always far worse than any threats she could use. And you have already spoken far too much.”
Without hesitation, I did away with the holy stick in my hand.
As regrettable as it was to see Clarise’s work undone, it was clear that a simple cleansing poke wasn’t enough. Wholesale exorcism was required. And that ant Starlight Grace.
“Sssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
It hissed as I drew my sword.
A flash of illumination caused the imposter to briefly recoil as the blade invited a stream of sunlight past the forest canopy. Yet whatever discomfort it experienced, I would now permanently soothe with my rcy.
“Ohohohoho.” I gently raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile. “My, how very pitiable. Mada Levasseur’s skin is pale enough to deflect sunlight. But I see it consus you instead. Were you less than a re shade, perhaps you could have instilled a mont of admiration in . To dare assu my etiquette tutor’s form is nothing if not brazen, after all.”
I raised Starlight Grace, ready to offer my finest poke.
“... Sadly, you have failed to pass even the lowest standards. And I’d truly be a poor student if I made no attempt to rectify it.”
The creature reacted at once.
Dispensing with the already poor visage, the apparition began to grow.
The elegant bun unravelled, revealing strands of twisting hair like snakes fleeing from a fla. The frumpy dress bent and broke as limbs contorted, claws replacing fingers and boils replacing skin. A mockery of light appeared in the creature’s eyes, so dim that only the instincts of a thoughtless monster lay behind it.
A caricature beyond any nightmare, eroding the sunlight and wilting the leaves around it.
Only the ruler remained untouched.
“Then it is ti for a fresh lesson in etiquette.”
A voice steeped in ire reverberated around .
It mattered little. All I heard was the sound of a bear snoozing sowhere in the distance, waiting to be woken up so that it could begin the important task of ushering away the new adventurers plaguing this forest.
“Wait!”
… And also Coppelia.
Wearing a rare look of seriousness, she stepped forwards with her fists clenched against her chest.
Then, she pointed directly at the abomination.
“How dare you!” she said with her brows dented. “I don’t know who you’re supposed to be, but I know for a fact that Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea, doesn’t need etiquette lessons! She’s already the best when it cos to doing princess things!”
I gasped.
C-Coppelia!! She … She was so honest!
“In … Indeed! Just as my loyal handmaiden who has never uttered a falsehood says, I am a paragon of regal stature! Princesses everywhere follow my example!”
“Yeah! No matter what she does, it’s always super princess-like! Whenever she drools while napping, it’s like seeing sothing as gentle as spring rain upon the adows!”
“Exactly! I … hm?”
To my horror, Coppelia began counting down with her fingers.
“She sleeps everywhere and anyti she wants because she now has a magical bed. But it’s always with unquenchable dignity. You can barely hear her snores over the sound of everyone around her doing stuff because it’s now well past midday and normal people are already thinking about finishing work! And when she does wake up, her first al always consists of mixed chocolate and banana crêpes, hazelnut croissants or cinnamon rolls because it’s so late nobody is serving breakfast anymore! Even so, she can wipe away all the crumbs that fall on her with a single elegant sweep of her hand!”
Hm?
Hmmm?
Hmmmmmm?!
“O-Ohoho?! Coppelia, I … I believe you must be mistaken! I do not sleep well past midday or wherever I wish … and my als are always healthy and balanced!”
“Oh, right–there’s that as well! Sotis a magical halfling with a cart cos along who sells things like sandwich lts covered in oil, flatbreads covered in oil and goblin moss cakes covered in oil. But despite eating them with her hands and then praising them while her mouth is still full, nobody would ever suspect that she’s anything less than a dignified princess straight from a portrait!”
A strange croak ca from my lips.
All of a sudden, a silence fell over us as the nightmare apparition stilled … only to stare at instead.
“... Is this true?”
“What?”
“Is this true? Do you consu common fare lathered with oil from a cart? An act only less inappropriate for royalty than doing so using one’s hands?”
“E-Excuse ! You are not my real tutor! I have no obligation to explain myself to–”
“Is. This. True?”
I pursed my lips … and then slowly rolled my eyes.
“In … In the course of my royal duties … it is important that I as a princess am able to understand the needs and wants of the common people … to this end, I endeavour to ensure that I am never above the fare they place upon their tables … for it is in the sweat of their wheat and sandwich lts that I can most feel their hearts ...”
Whack.
A ruler struck a tree. Just as though it was a chalkboard.
“Unacceptable. Inadmissible. How dare you disgrace your family na in such a wanton manner. You are not permitted to wander outside the walls of your bedroom only to lower the standing of your siblings, your parents and all your ancestors simultaneously.”
“W-Why are you suddenly speaking like Mada Levasseur?! Were you not about to consu my soul?!”
“There is nothing to consu. I will not partake in anything spoiled by such disregard for basic civility. Your taste would haunt more than anything I could achieve.”
“Excuse ?! I am a paragon of virtue! A pillar of both decorum and purity! If you eat my soul, all your wickedness would be burned away and you would find yourself skipping in the heavens!”
Suddenly, Coppelia clapped her hands together.
“Ooh, ooh, but that’s not only it! There’s also the [Ball Of Doom] as well! It’s a mfffphhhhph–”
“Y-You may disregard my semi-loyal handmaiden!” I said as my hands mysteriously found themselves around her mouth. “She speaks only in riddles and taphors! There is no such thing as a [Ball Of Doom]!”
A pair of dim eyes simply stared at .
“What is the [Ball Of Doom] … ?”
“The [Ball Of Doom] is amazing!” replied Coppelia, easily prying space for her smiling lips with a single fingertip. “It’s like the end of the world all squished together! But no matter how much destruction happens, she still looks as refined as a peacock feather. That’s because while she’s breaking everything, she always laughs like this … ‘ohohohohohoho’.”
I could only gawk.
For one thing, being described as a peacock feather was not a complint which had ever once graced my mandatory tea parties! For another … that was a wholly inaccurate impression of my beautiful laughter!
“C-Coppelia is exaggerating the delicate gardening technique I sotis employ to remove caterpillars from my orchard! Rest assured, there is no destruction involved whatsoever!”
“She’s already blown up a forest, multiple doors and walls, sent a minotaur through the sky and then catapulted a wyvern into a castle. I think the castle belongs to the Grand Duchy of Granholtz. That was hilarious. They sent a general to complain and she just spent the entire ti trying to buy his sword.”
The false etiquette tutor raised her clawed hands, covering her mouth in horror.
“You … You … You did what … ?”
“That was also just after eating from the magical halfling’s cart, so she probably had bits of crumbs on her.”
All of a sudden, the clawed hands began to shake before . As did everything else.
Her face twisted and turned as she trembled. What was hazy and indistinct beca a myriad of separate expressions, each clearly a shade of dismay fighting to settle upon the surface. Garbled words struggled to leave her lips, resulting only in a noise halfway between a whimper and a gasp.
And no wonder.
Indeed … here was the most powerful, forbidden ability a semi-loyal handmaiden possessed!
[Coppelia Slander]!!
It was all I could do to mouth like a wounded goldfish.
It was nothing compared to the apparition.
Whatever nightmares it instilled, it was nothing compared to what it now received.
“–RIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.”
Like the death throes of a banshee, it let out an ear-piercing shriek.
Pwoomph.
The next mont … the lifeless eyes before vanished.
The shadow of my etiquette tutor dispersed as easily as dust brushed aside by the sweep of a broom … only to be replaced instead with sothing far worse.
With a gentle hum, a smiling clockwork doll leaned down to scoop up the powdered residue of a successfully exorcised spirit directly into her pouch.
“Hmm hm hmm hm hmm ♫ … ooh, this slls high quality~”
Beside her, a teapot lay broken, the clear fractures having split the fine porcelain as obviously as the many lines of anguish which had briefly appeared on the nightmare’s face.
I thought for a few monts, then nodded.
“Coppelia.”
“Yes?”
“When we reach the Royal Villa, it’s likely you shall encounter Mada Anaïs Levasseur in the flesh.”
“Got it! You want to keep quiet on the whole magical halfling and the cart of happiness thing, right?”
Upon hearing no response, Coppelia blinked up at .
“... Right?”
I looked down at the remains of the apparition.
“Do … Do you think this could work on non-spirits too … ?”
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