Apple snorted as the salt breeze tickled his nose.
Having left a waking bear, the wielder of a winning fruit sli portrait and even the forest behind, I was greeted with an unimpeded view of my southern coastline–courtesy of the white cliffs which oversaw the narrow strait separating the coastal borders of Tirea and Weinstadt.
The well-trampled road andered beside the long precipice.
Here, the warning signs did little to deter travellers, children and farrs from leaning over the wonky fences, gazing upon the many sails billowing in the breeze below.
The water glittered beneath the midday sunlight. But it was nothing compared to the flashing mirrors used by the rchant cogs. Each flashed constantly under a squall of gulls. And while I knew rcifully little about the language of sailors, I knew enough from the jeering of the crews reaching even my ears that they were unlikely to be words fit for use outside a dockside tavern.
Fortunately for them, the local drinking establishnts were well stocked in both patience and alcohol.
A stone’s throw away from the road, endless vineyards took advantage of the fertile soil.
Terracing all the way up the nearby slopes and hills, the fields blood with anticipation of sumr’s coming. Rows of maroon bounty awaited harvesting, with lines of woven baskets already filled with pruned leaves, twigs and excess by the labourers whose sweat helped nourish the soil.
The result was a marvel of colours and aromas.
The sweetness of the grapes mixed with the pungency of the salt air.
Swathes of glimring blue to my right and endless patches of taxes to my left.
And all before , carts going to and fro, delivering what the wineries required while rushing to et the rchant ships as they docked in nearby Wirtzhaven.
There was just one thing missing from this quaint picture.
My smile.
“Ohohohohohoho … behold, Coppelia!”
“I’m beholding~”
“Here! Here it is! The sight of my kingdom at its most natural! Unimpeded productivity! Both sea and land and all upon it hard at work! No pirates, no plagues and only a few layabouts! It … It is wonderful!!”
Coppelia plucked a grape from a vine growing far too close to the road. She tossed it into her mouth, scrunched up her face in discomfort, then went ahead and plucked another one.
Again, she scrunched up her face.
“Hmm … it’s okay, I suppose. The lack of pirates and plagues does an sothing’s missing in the flavour profile, though. These grapes are sour, but not enough to be poisonous.”
I clapped my hands in delight.
“Excellent! This ans of all the corners of my kingdom, this region has exclusively escaped sabotage! I expect our products to be exported in droves. Wirtzhaven is known as the port of call for not only connoisseurs, but those blessed with excellent taste buds and also demanding sweet tooths.”
“Oooh … does that an the super rare chocolate and marmalade hazelnut brioche rolls are here?”
“Yes. And also the finest condints to go with them.”
Indeed!
Here in the southern reaches of my fair realm, where the sun always strove hardest to compete with , this region was known for many of the essentials which graced my dining table … and also my nightstand.
“You shall enjoy Wirtzhaven when we eventually pass through,” I declared with a confident smile. “Whereas Rolstein to the east is the breadbasket of the kingdom, here is where all the condints and accompanints are made. I refer to honeys, fruits and jams so fad that visitors from as far as the Dunes will often visit, indulging in my kingdom while pretending they will never visit again when they realise an official edict is in place to charge tourists 300% extra for every little service.”
Coppelia giggled.
That was good. It ant the percentage could still go higher.
“Wow! I didn’t know your kingdom was so popular!”
“Wha–? Coppelia, you’ve seen the popularity of my kingdom firsthand!”
“I an, it does seem to be popular with the hoodlums. They really like it here.”
“Exactly. We can’t take a step in any direction without a ruffian gleefully waiting to muddy our path–and a kingdom worth loitering in is a kingdom worth visiting.”
Indeed, as I smiled all around , what winked back at was a land undiminished by the many troublemakers who’d overstayed their welco.
Beneath the pearly clouds, not a single blemish was there to distract from the reasonably priced sightseeing spots or the inspectors waiting to ambush … I an, to fine every tourist for not having the correct litany of docuntation.
There was just one exception.
A tower scorched to a husk, its carcass threatening to topple upon the road ahead of us.
“Sooo … we’re not ignoring the big smoking wreck anymore, huh?” said Coppelia, beaming as she followed my gaze.
I shook my head.
As much as I wished to, we were here for a purpose other than judging the local patisseries … so far.
“It pains my heart to look at it,” I said, noting the single hue of black. “The powers of calamity and all of it goes towards a lack of imagination. Is creating bigger fires truly the extent of ambition these days?”
“You never know. There might be an ominously written ssage inside which won’t make sense until it’s 5 minutes before the ending.”
“Please, there will be nothing but the ashes of creativity. I don’t see a single motif in the exterior. That alone is telling. Were we not closely acquainted with Miss Lainsfont, this dire work could have been attributed to any cackling mage with an ordinary amount of interest in health and safety.”
“It’s not her fault. It takes ti to adjust to powers of calamity.”
“... There’s an official average in your holand, isn’t there?”
“Yup! Even the best evildoers in Ouzelia need to be defeated at least a dozen tis before they can start properly threatening the world.”
“Well, she should move, then. I dare say such antics would be more appreciated in Ouzelia.”
“Mmh~ our heroes would even help out. They have workshop programs for stuff like this. If you want to see what she can do, you can follow the Official Guidebook To Nurturing Rivals. After a while, towers will be a thing of yesterday. She’ll be threatening cathedrals as part of her lunchti routine.”
I gave it a mont’s consideration.
“It’s tempting,” I said shake of my head. “But as amusing as seeing the Holy Church fleeing with their pilfered artifacts doubtless is, I simply cannot allow any more fires.”
“Oh. Have we t our quota?”
“There is no quota.” I paused. “... Why? Did you think we have a quota?”
“Ahaha~”
Hmm.
She didn’t actually give an answer.
That was sothing I maybe needed to address … although the most pressing issue was still our budding Witch of Calamity.
“We’ll need to put a stop to this,” I said simply. “After all, my family are blad even when a dragon attacks and lays waste to barns while shouting the nas of my ancestors in rage. If people see Miss Lainsfont setting things on fire while occasionally referencing , they’d think we knew each other.”
“Got it! You want to find her so your stories will match!”
“Quite so. Any damage she can cause to a rooftop is far less than what she can do to my reputation.”
Coppelia tilted her head slightly, a finger placed to her cheek in thought.
“Hmmmm … but you know, she’s actually surprisingly good at keeping herself hidden. Although her magic’s pretty distinctive, she doesn’t wear it on her sleeve like most mages do. I’m not sure if I can tell where she’s gone just from the burned bits leftover.”
“Oh? In that case, you needn’t worry. It’s hardly ashes I expect to provide answers, but rather those who witnessed them being made.”
I nodded confidently.
Indeed, although her flas had turned cold, those who loitered here were still alive and well. This being a particularly busy corner of my kingdom, I had no doubt that more than a few eyes had seen what beca of our errant mage.
There was just one problem.
Wirtzhaven Outlet Marketplace
I had to decide which of the rchants clogging up the road was least likely to assail for asking.
The answer … was none of them.
I groaned as I urged Apple to bravely continue past the wooden sign.
“Young lady! I have silver jewelry straight from Empress Halyconia’s unseen collection! It’s a 50% discount for the entire set!”
“Co visit my stall! I’ve dwarven cutlery fit for any noblewoman’s table! Freshly hamred and forged! The sharpest forks at the lowest prices!”
“Miss! Co look at this! I’ve a silver hairbrush straight from the treasury of the last elven kingdom! It can make your hair even straighter than it is!”
“Golden gemstones! I’ve golden gemstones fad for catching every misfortune!”
It was the worst possible sight.
rchants who lacked the wiles to afford a licence to trade within the town limits.
Instead, they’d erected a makeshift marketplace consisting of carriages sloppily arranged to dig up as much of the surrounding grass as possible. But that wasn’t the worst of it.
One look at the wares on display was enough to send into despair.
Common iron burnished until it glead being sold as silver. Brass not even touched being offloaded as gold. Jewelry which was the worst that multiple princesses had discarded through a window.
This was an issue.
As much as I wished to prevent the next blot against my sky, it couldn’t co at the cost of encouraging a lack of standards. Otherwise, Mada Levasseur would truly appear before .
“Miss? That’s a lovely copper ring you’ve got there! Are you an adventurer? If so, I’ve a copper bracelet to help match it!”
“E-Excuse ?!” I duly turned Apple around to et my assailant, my mouth agape. “That … That is an appalling suggestion! Why, the only thing that matches with a copper ring is a blindfold to save everybody’s eyes!”
“Really? In that case, I’ve sothing which might work! A small towel which was once owned by–”
“Wait, stop.”
I pointed at the rchant before .
A young woman with a smile as bright as the hand towel she was now wriggling free of all the unwanted jewellery sitting upon it.
However, it wasn’t her outrageous optimism which earned all my attention.
Rather … it was her hair.
“... You. Why is your hair glowing?”
The woman paused.
She lifted the bottom of her hair. The ends were brightly aglow. Luminous pink stood in contrast with her otherwise brown hair. A sight I’d last seen when a certain mage in scandalous attire had only just recently achieved her powers of newfound calamity.
“Oh, this? That’s pixie dust.”
“Pixie dust?”
“Never seen it before, huh? If you want, I’ll be happy to throw in a sample with any purchase! It’s the latest trend in Wirtzhaven.”
I blinked.
Repeatedly.
“My apologies, but could you repeat that … ?”
“It’s the most popular fashion trend in Wirtzhaven,” said the young woman, paying no heed to the wide open nature of my mouth. Coppelia reached over and closed it for . “It’s a bit of pixie dust mixed with regular dyes. You choose which colour you want and apply it to the end of your hair. It’s pretty much sold out everywhere, though. Especially pink.”
I placed my hands in my face.
After a few monts, I took a deep breath and raised my head.
“I see … and how did this beco a fashion trend, exactly … ?”
“Oh, that.” The woman gave an embarrassed laugh. “Well, believe it or not, there’s a princess in town.”
“A princess.”
“Yeah, amazing, huh? Except she’s real shy. She wears a cloak and hood everywhere she goes. All you can see is her hair. It glows at the ends, just like this.” The young woman lifted her hair again. “You see her sotis. She goes into restaurants, gets really embarrassed when everybody stares and then leaves without her food. We’re pretty sure she’s runaway royalty. Because of how she is, we call her … The Luminous Princess.”
Coppelia propped up as I imdiately collapsed.
The … The … The Luminous Princess … !!
S-Such a splendid na … and it wasn’t mine … ?!
“–In fact, if you want more examples of colours, you can just look around you!”
The young woman pointed at her colleagues.
Ponytails, bob cuts, long and wavy or short and practical. It didn’t matter which. They all wore their hair in such a manner that the very ends were slightly luminous.
Just like their secret princess.
“Wow, this sure is sothing~” said Coppelia, beaming as she continued to hold up. “Miss Racy Corset is setting fashion trends. Isn’t that convenient? It ans we know where she is! Isn’t that great? It’s great, huh? Isn’t that the greatest?”
I stared into nothingness.
For a mont, indistinct colours, shapes and birds flew before my eyes. A mosaic of confusion mixed with the sight of Coppelia’s everlasting smile.
And then–
I threw up my arms in grief.
“Why can’t she just set everything on fire … ?!”
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