The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer Chapter 524: A Shortcake Plan

Tea with Grandmother was a lively affair.

As a paragon of wisdom who travelled to places everyone knew not to ask about, she never lacked for advice to offer. Except the person usually being given advice was my mother.

The result was being forced to fetch my own tea as the servants mysteriously vanished, only for them to be found huddling inside the sa cabinets where the tea leaves were being stored.

Of course, this wasn’t an issue now.

With both the king and queen having abruptly departed on urgent diplomatic business, what was usually a boisterous occasion was now tranquil. Especially since it was now my responsibility to impress Grandmother.

Being the only princess available, I needed to present myself accordingly. To demonstrate the extent of my learning and assuage any fears since we last enjoyed tea in the dining chamber together.

Thus, I offered my warst smile.

Because so long as I was smiling, I wasn’t actually drinking my tea.

That was good.

Clink clink clink clink clink.

The teacup was very hard to use while shaking against the saucer.

“Hm. How unique.” Grandmother lifted a green ball of pastry with her fork. The fact it resisted told exactly what her next words would be. “This is quite the … durable texture. I gather this is what has taken hold of haute cuisine as of late?”

Coppelia bead as she offered out an entire platter.

“A goblin moss cake!”

“A goblin moss cake. I see.”

“Have you really never tried one before?”

“I have not. Goblin delicacies are a luxury I’ve yet to experience. I am not often shown hospitality in their mountains.”

“Eh? That’s weird. They always show hospitality. Especially since most humans don’t like their stuff.”

“Perhaps so, yet it appears I’ve been excluded.”

“Maybe it’s because you did sothing terrible to them when you were in charge?”

“Possible. But unlikely. Although I’ve exchanged correspondence with the goblin matrons in the past, I have rarely had the opportunity to et them. Even during the tis I’ve travelled through their mountains in my retirent, all I commonly see are abandoned caves and dwellings.”

“Uwah~ that’s amazing! You manage to make the goblins flee their hos just from foreboding alone! That’s the kind of power grumpy dragons who are owed stuff have.”

Grandmother, far from appearing insulted, rely accepted her reputation with a nod.

She took a bite of her goblin moss cake. And then actually chewed. A shocking sight which Coppelia watched with great pride.

Even so, it wasn’t nearly as shocking as a certain soone’s unexpected smile.

Quack, quack.

Along with her ducks.

“She’s much better than a dragon,” said Ophelia, scooping all the moss cakes from the platter onto her tiny plate to be shared with her ducks. “Dragons just breathe fire. Loads of things do that. I bet not many can whack as many kneecaps per hour as she can, though.”

Clink clink clink clink clink.

All of a sudden, liquid began to spill from my teacup.

That was unusual.

But then again, so was the Snow Dancer sitting at my tea table in the Royal Villa alongside my grandmother.

… My grandmother, who also seed to be in a good mood as she hadn’t whacked any kneecaps yet.

I smiled as I let my teacup rest.

“M-My, it is a delight to see you doing so well, Grandmother. I notice you haven’t lost your sweet tooth yet.”

“Indeed, Juliette.” Grandmother returned my smile. A sight few else regularly saw. “That would be the last thing I would lose. A trait I believe you inherited from . Might you still be snacking on shortcakes in the middle of the night?”

“Of course not. I would never do anything so slovenly, nor is there a single staff mber on the night roster who can say otherwise.”

Coppelia raised her arm.

She lowered it again when I subtly shook my head a thousand tis.

“Is that so?” Grandmother studied my face, complexion, height and build in the way all grandmothers did. “Well, you certainly appear to be in good health. I’m relieved. My concern for your well-being has only increased as of late.”

“Oh? Why would that be?”

“I’ve heard news of your royal tour. Unexpected, but wonderful. To travel the length and breadth of the kingdom to learn about the needs of our subjects is a noble thing. But I was concerned about your diet. It is difficult for a growing princess to eat properly, especially without a large retinue.”

“Then you needn’t have worried. I ate a balanced diet consisting of many colours. Including colours I neither knew existed or were edible.”

“Then you have truly grown into an exemplary Contzen. I must say, I was most surprised to hear of your royal tour, but even more so by its duration. Few would have faulted you for an early return. There is as much to admire in this world as there is to be wary of.”

“Indeed, I shall not deny that many nights left sleepless. Yet as a princess, I do not feel it right to turn my eyes away from the troubles that plague this kingdom. For example, shaless robbers who have repeatedly plundered our possessions. Including but not limited to food.”

Ophelia stabbed a moss cake with a fork.

A mont later, the moss cake disappeared in her mouth and the fork disappeared under the table.

“And so my relief is greater. As one who travels more than her cane should allow, I know a little too much about the dangers of the world. Yet even just within this kingdom, you have doubtless learned more than what any tutor could offer.”

“I believe so. For what I learned most was the importance of what I left behind … aning the warmth of ho, secure walls, plentiful guards and a dining chamber where no unexpected intruders are allowed.”

“Then it’s excellent you were so well looked after. Although your retinue was small, it seems you didn’t lack capable assistance. I see already that Miss Coppelia made herself indispensable.”

“Ehehe~ I got praised. That’s . The all-dancing, all-amazing Coppelia. I help loads.”

“I’ve no doubt you do. As talented as Juliette is, it always helps to have capable assistance. But I would expect nothing less from soone my currently absent daughter chooses to ntion in the single letter she sends each year.”

I nodded, gesturing at my loyal handmaiden and absolutely nobody else.

“Indeed, to have soone so reliable by my side is an invaluable thing. The opposite, in fact, of having soone utterly unpredictable and prone to appearing at the worst possible tis.”

“Yeah,” said Ophelia, munching on a moss cake. “Those people are the worst. They have ulterior motives behind everything they do. You can’t trust them at all.”

Ophelia reached for my teacup, then started shaking it for .

Clink clink clink clink clink clink.

“... Grandmother?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I do not an to pry, but I cannot help but notice that a prominent thief is amongst us.”

“This is the Royal Villa, Juliette. Half the guests are thieves and the other half have paid them for the work. We might as well use those who volunteer to be helpful.”

“I see. I only ask because it seems strange to find the Snow Dancer carrying your suitcases.”

“It’s strange to find anyone carrying them. Most imdiately surrender upon feeling the weight. But the Snow Dancer appears quite suited for the task.”

“Indeed, lifting heavy objects is certainly sothing she can be useful for. Especially when she needs to replace all the furniture she’ll be taking. May I ask how she ca to volunteer for you?”

“The Snow Dancer found while I was enjoying a dance in Wisenlait’s village hall, since I certainly wasn’t invited to the one in Reitzlake Castle. She inford that she wishes to learn matters of royal decorum.”

I slowly turned my head at the Snow Dancer, who could only look more suspicious if she started whistling.

Which she did.

“Is that so? … And why would that be?”

“The ‘why’ is irrelevant. The world needs more etiquette. And if soone so well known and surprisingly competent in household tasks wishes to improve herself, I see no reason to reject.”

“What she said.” Ophelia nodded. “Plus all the stuff she hasn’t said.”

My smile hardened.

“I see. I had no idea you were both so well acquainted that it extended to a willingness to offer etiquette lessons.”

“She impressed with her ability to learn. That’s a rare talent.”

“Indeed, but perhaps such matters are best left for a tutor. I believe it is only fair that you be allowed to enjoy your retirent.”

“I agree. Which is why I allowed her to accompany to the Royal Villa. Here, she can study the finest examples of royal etiquette available.”

I tilted my head slightly.

And then I tilted it slightly more until my grandmother was almost sideways. Coppelia clapped her hands slightly.

“My, Grandmother, how varied your jests have beco. To suggest the Snow Dancer should be allowed to wander as she pleases is one of the most alarming things I have ever heard.”

“Her wandering will be limited to where she’s required. Naturally, she’ll be attending to us for the duration of her stay. She’s hardly a regular guest, after all. Think of her as a handmaiden-in-training.”

The Snow Dancer nodded, all the while inspecting the napkins, the tablecloth and also the table.

Sothing Coppelia had already claid as she shooed her away.

“Don’t worry!” she said confidently. “I’m really good at tidying!”

I relaxed my smile.

A mont later, I stood up and grabbed the Snow Dancer’s arm.

“Excuse , Grandmother. I need to have a mont with the … handmaiden-in-training.”

Without waiting for a reply, I dragged the Snow Dancer out of the dining chamber and into the corridor. Several knights wondering if it was safe to appear scattered at once.

“Ehhh,” said the Snow Dancer, holding both hands to her cheeks and blushing as she glanced away. “Dragging to a secluded corridor where we can be alone. I didn’t know you were so daring.”

I leaned slightly closer.

And then–

“E-Excuse ?! What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Hm? Well, I was hoping you could let know. You’re the one teaching . But I suppose we can start with how to act really happy now that everyone’s favourite elf is here.”

“Why should I be happy?! So you can pilfer everything that’s even bolted down?! That is unacceptable! I intend to sell anything I don’t require to the trolls!”

“Oh, in that case, I can help. They definitely owe for all the lost royalties on the plushies.”

“That … might be slightly useful! But even so! You’re clearly not here to learn about royal etiquette, or else you’d know to leave at once! Why, the fact you’ve shown up unexpectedly ans you’ve already failed!”

“True. Unless showing up unexpectedly is so common it’s no longer unexpected and therefore no longer applies.”

I poked her forehead. She rely giggled.

“This … This is a scam! I can already tell! My princess senses are tingling! … What is the purpose behind this?! What do you hope to steal?!”

“Nothing! I’m here to legitimately learn about manners and all that.”

“There is no possible scenario that’s the truth!”

“It is!” Ophelia placed a hand to her chest. “Nobody ever taught and I’m sort of curious. I grew up in a forest, so all of this is new and exciting for . Even though I’ve visited fancy places before, none are as nice as here. Plus seeing how pretty and princess-like you are makes realise how much about myself I’m missing. You can’t bla for wanting to act all ladylike once in my lifeti, right? That’s why I want to learn about this stuff.”

I looked at her with suspicion.

“... Really?”

“Really! … After all, I need it for when I beco a princess too.”

I stomped my foot.

“This! I knew it was sothing like this! What sche is this?! Are you .. Are you trying to learn how to beco a princess?! Because it doesn’t work like that!”

“I have a plan of a plan!”

“What is a plan of a plan?!”

“Mine is that I’ll make my own kingdom!”

I could feel my vision beginning to fade as all the air failed to enter on account of all the words I needed to expel.

“You cannot make your own kingdom!”

“Why not? The forests are basically free real estate. I’ve decided I’m just going to claim a few trees as my Snow Kingdom and call myself a princess. Then I’ll be good with the whole marriage thing. It’s definitely the best option. The alternative is getting so shady organisation to find so missing certificates, and I can already tell it’s going to be a lot of hassle.”

“It doesn’t matter how much hassle there is! You cannot just declare yourself a princess!”

“I an, the wrinkly guy dug up a crown and called himself king. That ans I can definitely do that and be a princess, right? Because elves.”

I wanted to retort.

And yet amidst all the history of elvenkind including a very recent episode involving a wyvern, soone simply claiming to be royalty was very realistic.

Especially with the right support. Such as an S-ranked sword saint.

Horror filled at once.

Because, yes… elves.

“But don’t worry,” said Ophelia, mistaking everything I could possibly be worrying over. “Even if I wear a fancy crown, I obviously need to learn how to be a princess first. That’s why I’m going to get on Granny’s good side and have her acknowledge first.”

I threw up my arms in exasperation.

“That is not a plan! … It’s a plan of a plan of a plan! Sothing like that has never once worked!”

Ophelia humd in thought.

Then, she scrunched her fists and raised them to her chest.

“... Probably!” she said with an enthusiastic nod. “But that’s fine. I’m going to beco the Snow Princess. Because even more than Granny, I want to make you acknowledge just like you did my shortcake. Then you can eat it everyday while we argue and fight and try to murder each other.”

“Why would I want that?! Why does marriage have to be so violent?!”

Ophelia shooed away my concerns with a maidenly smile.

“Well, that’s Plan B at least.”

“You cannot possibly have an even worse plan than that.”

“Yep. That’s why Plan A is a lot better. I’m going to make you super delicious shortcake everyday while asking if you want seconds, until one day I change the question and ask if you want to marry and you accidentally say yes. Devious, huh?”

The look I received made it impossible to tell whether she was serious or not.

Either way, I knew for a fact that she was here to do what every other marriage suitor had failed–and that was to be rejected on consecutive days.

Clearly a problem.

I could hardly punt her away while Grandmother was still here, yet nor could she remain.

The idea of her learning to beco a princess from the sa princess she was hoping to marry was so wildly inappropriate that it was the kind of overwhelming brashness that would earn Grandmother’s favour if little else.

In that case … there was only one thing I could do!