Pwish.
A priceless vase crashed to the floor.
Usually, this would be the end of the world for the maid who knocked it over. And yet instead of imdiately dropping to her knees in despair, she lifted the edge of the carpet and quickly kicked the scattered bits of porcelain beneath it.
Not a single complaint went her way.
“Hnnngh … !!”
After all, I was too busy saving the other priceless vases.
Performing my finest [Princess Catch], I dived across the floor of the reception hall, rescuing a beautiful work of porcelain legally requisitioned from our neighbours.
However, instead of the maids imdiately retrieving it from my hands while pampering , they simply replaced the empty spot on the cabinet with a slightly different vase.
But not before replacing the cabinet as well.
And all the other furniture.
“Hurry, hurry! We need to remove everything chosen by the queen!”
“The portraits need to go! If there’s no ti, just turn them around!”
“No lis in the fruit bowls! And change the fruit bowls too!”
“Get the paintbrushes! The doors need to look even more natural than they already are!”
Yes.
It was just like a peasant mob looting the Royal Villa.
Paintings, fixtures and decorations were being torn down and tossed aside. Except that unlike a peasant mob, they replaced everything with slightly different paintings, fixtures and decorations.
The servants, usually so assured in their duties, were frantically dashing from spot to spot, ignoring the smaller blemishes to instead focus on what needed to be tossed aside.
A problem for those rushing to tend to their own duties.
Kitchen porters were elbowing each other out of the way as they carried sacks of ingredients. Knights furiously polished their armour while searching for the tallest plants to hide behind. Several maids were accosting Miriam in the corner, desperately pulling different dresses over her pink pyjamas while she groaned loudly.
Pandemonium filled the Royal Villa, and yet not a single visitor uttered a complaint.
Usually so swift to decry the flaws seen only in the imagination, the nobility were instead retreating to the safety of the guest quarters where the sound of slamming doors could be heard echoing down the corridors.
Others could be seen hurrying away with suitcases in hand as they opted for an early exit.
… Including those who weren’t even guests.
“Very well, dearest. The Sumr Kingdoms, it is. I believe I’ve a distant cousin who has offered to host us on multiple occasions. I’ve heard marvellous tales about the cambert there.”
There stood my mother and father.
Tall, regal and unbending in their convictions, each bore the weight of the realm’s responsibilities and duties … and also a suitcase in either hand.
The fact they carried their own luggage instead of waiting for it to be taken said everything.
However!
Even if my parents sought to flee, I would not!
Why … many of these vases held flowers picked from my own orchard!
“Coppelia!” I said, a bundle of dahlias tickling my nose as I gracefully rose to my feet. “Protect what you can! Don’t let anything valuable or pretty be damaged!”
Amidst the ocean of chaos, I was relieved to see my loyal handmaiden remained an oasis of calm. Especially since she was already tallying a growing pile of chairs, coffee tables and ornants. So of which the maids had only just finished placing down.
“Got it! Does that an I can have this stuff?”
“You cannot have this stuff. It belongs to the Royal Villa. We just need to put everything safely away so they won’t be stepped on and broken.”
“Okay! In that case, can I put this stuff safely away in my tower?”
“But isn’t your tower currently a large hole?”
“Yep, that just ans I’ll never lose anything!”
I thought for a mont and nodded.
“Very well! You can put everything away in your tower.”
Coppelia raised her arms and bead.
“Wooooooo! Free loot for luring humans!”
I let out a tiny groan … and only partially due to permanently losing bits of the Royal Villa as bait to lure unsuspecting robbers to Coppelia’s tower (dungeon).
Why, all this ti, I thought the never ending rain and thunderstorms were because of the 1,058 prophecies of doom!
It turns out it was just Grandmother coming ho!
That was both a relief and a concern. It ant I now had ti to properly tax the trolls for every item I donated. But it also ant whatever I expected would now be worse.
“We’ll need to be swift,” I said, depositing my flower vase into Coppelia’s pile. “As it’s currently midday, the head steward is likely napping in his chambers. But once he wakes and realises Grandmother is here, he’ll imdiately flee. Half the staff will join him when he does. The stampede will be terrible.”
“Got it! Is the reason why everyone’s breaking your things to slow down your grandmother’s path of destruction?”
“Coppelia, my grandmother is not so monster from the abyss.”
“I dunno. It definitely feels like one of those situations where we should be cutting off everyone’s escape route so we can escape instead.”
“We’re not escaping. Despite what slanderous rumours you may have heard, Grandmother is just an elderly lady.”
“You say that, but I’ve yet to et an elderly lady who wouldn’t destroy the world and everything on it if they had the ability to. Plus a forr queen definitely has more powers than the typical human does.”
“She has many powers, true. But the majority of them are in her eyebrows. And also her walking stick. There’s really no need for everyone to panic each and every ti she visits.”
Coppelia watched as a maid slamd a door shut on soone trying to pass through, before starting to layer it with a coat of brown paint only slightly more oaken than the natural oak already beneath.
She nodded in approval.
“Mmh~ I like her already! She feels like 110% royalty.”
I gawped.
“E-Excuse ! But there is no such thing as 110% royalty! And if there was, I’d already be it!”
“In that case, your grandmother will be 115%! Even though your peons always worry about whether or not they’ll be fired because they can’t climb your tower in 0.7 seconds, it’s not like they’re constantly horrified. This is a lot better. Cultivating mindless panic is what royalty should be about!”
“Coppelia, there’s a level of horror that’s best to be maintained. More would jeopardise their ability to work. Such as this. I can guarantee you that nobody is manning the pillow catapult.”
“All that ans is the pillow catapult needs to be one of the things your grandmother wants done as well. This kind of hysteria is seriously impressive. Is she actually scary?”
I humd in thought.
“No,” I said, before pausing. “... Or at least not to those who know her. In truth, she’s very kind and thoughtful, with nothing but the best intentions for those she cares about. As you know, she was the one who gave Starlight Grace.”
“Okay. So basically she’s nice to you and not everyone else.”
“Well, she can be slightly particular. But that’s only her right. As queen, she was responsible for lifting the kingdom through so of its most strenuous tis. Even though she’s retired, it’s only expected that she ensures the standards she set are maintained. That occasionally ans a change of décor. And also the à la carte nu. That ans no more goblin moss cakes.”
Coppelia covered her mouth and gasped, seeing her sabotage of haute cuisine reverted.
“Eh? How co?”
“I’m afraid the kitchens will cater solely to Grandmother’s palate for the foreseeable future. She has very specific wants, and since nobody knows what it is, the chefs will have to prepare everything she’d ever eaten.”
I nodded seriously.
“... I’ll be frank. The next few days will be difficult. The remaining servants will exclusively tend to her, and while that’s only correct, it’ll an we shall have to make do.”
Coppelia placed a finger to her cheek and pondered.
Then, she scrunched her fists and bead.
“No problem! I can make the goblin moss cakes. I bet she’ll like them.”
I was horrified.
There was optimism and then there was a sore kneecap.
Even so, like Miriam suffering in the corner, she’d need to be properly attired in a formal dress before she could earn the chance to test her dodging skills. And while Coppelia was many things, soone who enjoyed wardrobes wasn’t one of them.
That ant Coppelia could yet be saved. Because more than Grandmother’s frown, it was her cane which even knights in armour feared the most.
After all–
Tap. Tap. Tap.
It was enough to instil silence where a clamour had reigned just a heartbeat before.
From beyond the reception hall’s entrance, the sound of doom approached.
Slowly, yet perfectly asured, the tapping of a cane held only for show by a forr queen made its way past the door, its echo reverberating as cleanly as the ripples of a pond.
Soone swallowed a gulp. And then pandemonium returned.
The servants abandoned their furniture. The knights abandoned their posts. The kitchen porters abandoned any hopes of a strawberry shortcake being ready on the branches of my orchard.
Only the maids furiously dressing Miriam remained standing, plus several suitcases left behind by a mother and father who decided to enjoy a spontaneous diplomatic visit to another nation.
Crrunnkkk.
A mont later, the heavy doors swung open … and in ca Grandmother.
Warmth filled my smile at once.
She was, as ever, stubbornly spritely.
With her hair still darker than it was grey, and her eyes filled with attentiveness, there was little suggestion that the fad Eliana Contzen had retired well over a decade ago.
Whether it was terrorising a corner of the world while foreign monarchs pretended she didn’t exist or studying the abandoned furniture in a royal residence now officially with fewer than five mbers of staff, it was clear that neither her wisdom nor force of personality had dulled.
And while for so, this ant night sweats, for , it ant my grandmother was ho.
“Ah, my dear Juliette,” she said with a rare smile. “How lovely it is to see you again. And only you. It seems my wishes have finally been adhered to. The clutter has diminished.”
I offered a curtsey.
“Grandmother, I’m so delighted you’ve returned! Welco back to …”
My smile froze. As did my words.
After all, Grandmother wasn’t the only visitor I needed to offer my greetings to.
“Ooh, the decoration’s changed since the last ti I robbed the place!”
… Why, there was also an insane elven woman with silver hair and sapphire eyes.
Peeking past the open doorway, she fluttered her long eyelashes while admiring the view.
A mont later, she stepped inside … all the while carrying Grandmother’s suitcases.
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