I chewed, swallowed a bit, chewed a bit more, swallowed again, and mouth finally free, said, “The at’s great! You said this wasn’t fit for girls?” It was pretty tough, that much was true, good exercise for the jaws. And with a heavy gay flavor that pervaded my mouth, despite the liberal salt and pepper.
“No, my lady, it’s but goat,” said the young guard, probably mid to late teens. Blond hair, disheveled and oily, sticking out from under his slightly too large helt. “Old goat. Too gay for ladies.”
Squinting at him, a touch of a smile on my lips, I asked, “Are you saying I’m not a lady?”
“Uh . . . uhm . . . no, ma’am! It’s just . . .” Picking up his ale, he held it close to his chest, staring into it, probably hoping I’d stop asking questions.
But I asked anyways, “Just what?”
The other two laughed at him and the eldest of the three, too many wrinkles to tell his age in the firelight, said, “The way you’re chewing through this at and drinking ale, one would never know you were highborn, lass.”
“Cayce, my na is Ca – se . . . Sarah!” I stood and curtsied, “Sarah, at your service, gentlen.” Damn, but I was bad at lying! Perhaps a little too much ale. I wasn’t used to alcohol actually hitting this hard, but then, yeah, not a god anymore. The world tilted a little. Maybe there are so perks, being mortal. “What I ant was, in case you didn’t hear – in case that is – my na is Sarah.”
“Three ti’s a charm, Lady Sarah.”
“And please, good sirs, tell the nas of my protectors?”
“Well, the young one you’ve got all tongue tied is Cauld, short for Cauldron. First thing his mother saw after the birth, if you get my aning!”
The older n laughed, and the kid turned a brighter red than he’d been before matching, I suppose, what underlay his nasake.
“I’m Bull,” he said, then thumbed at the grey-haired soldier next to him, “and this here is Old Chip. After his missing teeth, if you catch my aning.”
“Caught your aning twice now!” I set down my plate of old goat, took the ale cup in both hands and, against my better judgent, leaned forward, asking, “And why are you called Bull?”
He winked at , “That is not a fit topic for ladies.” The older two laughed and the boy kind of smiled, like his parents just told him they dig his music, they really do, and they were coming with him and his friends to the concert.
Sitting back, I gave the kid a similar smile back, saying, “Oh.” Sip. Change topics, pointedly focusing on the ale. “As far as guard duty goes, this doesn’t seem so bad. Sitting around a campfire, drinking and chatting.”
The old guy, Chip, spoke up, “Well, lass, there’s no problems for miles.” A frown overtook his face, “At least, not yet. You see, this-”
“-land is protected by magic,” said Bull, cutting him off. “The Wizard’s Conclave is just over that hill, and we are their soldiers.”
That, I thought to myself, would be the very sa Conclave I lted into the ground. Yup, just over that hill, the slag probably still cooling. I asked him, “What do wizards need with soldiers?”
Puffing up his chest, Bull continued, “We protect them from nonmagical threats. Their weapons against their enemies.”
“Mostly,” said the young Cauld, “we run errands.”
“You run errands, boy,” said the old soldier. “The rest of us are akin to a glorified police force. Lady Sarah, there are no enemies the mages fear. We handle the mundane tasks of ensuring the peace and safety of this land for the peasants who farm and ranch it. Making sure they’d fight amongst themselves overmuch.”
Bull scowled at him a little.
“I see. Have you had to drive out invading armies?” I had to. I an, that’s most of what I did prior to learning I was a deity. Fight off enemy states, desperately trying not to get killed. Our kingdom was badly losing before I ca along, and we continued losing after I ca along. I sighed to myself.
Bull reached across with the ale jug, pouring more into my cup, “Not as such, no. But we have to drive off brigands and the like every so often. Criminals use our lands to escape justice from the surrounding nations, thinking they are safe here. We have, at this very mont, no less than four armies of this size patrolling and ensuring the safety of our lands.”
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“Very impressive,” I said, as pleasantly as I could. They were certainly better company than the captain’s wife, but I missed my own soldiers. Mind you, we spent most of our ti planning war scenarios, discussing how not to die. I’d left a young man in charge of the kingdom, Maitlan. A touch of worry hit then. I hoped he was managing well. And ruling maturely and well. I told myself not to worry, as General Brundle would keep him in line.
“My lady,” said the young soldier, pointing his cup behind . “Uhm, the captain.”
From behind us, a voice bood out, “Lady Sarah! Just what do you think you’re doing?”
The soldiers stood and stiffened. I stood up, causing the world to spin, picked a point on the ground, a few errant stones and a single yellowing leaf, and stared at it until the stones, at least, stayed still. Slowly, I turned around, keeping control over the world so it wouldn’t fly off into the distance, and thereby endanger the lives of everyone here, and saw the captain, standing in front of the tent, then walking over. There were two of him. I blinked, trying to see only one, but my brain wasn’t having it. Oops, that’s right, no longer a goddess.
“Lady Sarah, dining with the soldiers? Did my wife not have dinner prepared?”
“Oh no, dear sir, I just, uhm, needed so fresh air and invited myself to their fire. The n had no choice, I forced myself upon them. Wait, that’s, ah, that’s not what I ant.” I paused, trying to think of a nice sounding excuse to not get the guards in trouble.
He interrupted my thoughts, “Lady Sarah, it’s high ti for you to return to the tent. I’m sure my wife has prepared your bedding.”
Finally, finally, sothing ca to mind. I patted the captain on the arm, “Don’t hold it against your n that I demanded ale from them. Entirely my fault. Alright. I’m going to sleep now.” I turned around, tilting my upper body in the approximation of a bow, “Gentlen, good night!”
As I left, Captain Gyges, of course, ignored and gave them all a tongue-lashing, and not the good kind.
I couldn’t focus on what was said, and pushed aside the tent flap, entering. Inside, his wife sat on their bed, which seed to be a half-sized fra, perhaps a foot off the ground or thirty centiters if you bend that way, covered in animal skins. Against this wall, a few steps away from the door, a bunch of skins and blankets lay on the ground, a folding screen between them and the rest of the room. My bed, I guess.
She gave a glare and said nothing.
I flashed her a quick smile, saying, “Thank you for arranging my sleeping quarters.” Sitting on the edge, trying not to tip the screen over or even touch it, I took my shoes off, then crawled into the tiny space, dress on and all, pulling the covers around my body. I watched candlelight flicker on the ceiling, spinning and spinning as if I was a child entirely new to alcohol, which I guess was more or less the truth. This body only began to exist when I exited the mirror two days ago. It housed, up until this very night, an ethanol-naïve liver.
Wow, alright. That brings reality into focus. At least I wasn’t born yesterday.
Even before I knew I was a god, or before I beca one, it’s hard to be sure which, since I woke up on this planet as a young girl and knew nothing about my past life or lives, depending on how you asure them, I’d been immune to hangovers. And alcohol did not hit this hard. Oh, I hoped it was rely the effects with none of the negatives, but that was a test I was no longer looking forward to.
The tent flap opened, the captain stord in. I closed my eyes, hoping he’d think I was sleeping.
Sure enough, he checked on , but didn’t interrupt my pretending, and then proceeded to the bed, where his wife waited. I was made a terrible person, it’s true, and I listened to their conversation.
His voice, sounding slightly annoyed, asking, “Why didn’t you make sure the girl stayed in this tent? Why would you allow her to . . . be entertained by the n?”
“She wanted to dine with them. Why are you having her stay in our tent?”
“It’s not safe! If one of those n had taken her, even with her consent . . . Listen. We are no longer in a position of strength.” His voice settled into a harsh whisper, “The mages are dead and gone!”
“Who could harm so many wizards?” A long pause, and then she said in a low voice, “Are they still around?”
“I don’t know. Soone or sothing beyond us. One more reason to leave this area as quickly as possible.”
“We should have left today, then.”
“We have mages to bury. That will take so ti, but I’ll be putting most of the n on it tomorrow.”
“Good, then you can send the girl back to her family’s lands with all possible haste after morning tea.”
“Look, there’s neither ti to escort her ho, nor manpower. I have to get word to the other patrols. And we have to leave this area. Even considering whatever killed the mages, our defenses have all been destroyed.” He paused for a mont. Then said, “Sarah’ll have to co with us.”
The woman almost sounded like she was pouting, “She arrived on her own, she can make her own way back.”
I could, I thought to myself, I really could. My cavalry was on its way. If I could ride toward them, and avoid monsters and brigands on the way, I’d likely survive.
“Cresida, you know that’s not reasonable. Why does her presence upset you so? Is it her age?” A pause, cloth falling. “She’s just a child.” The sound of a blanket being pulled back. “Are you jealous? You, my beautiful wife, jealous?”
At this point, kissing sounds beca apparent and I pulled the covers over my ears. No, no, nope! Not sounds I needed to eavesdrop on – or even hear!
It seems, though, I might be able to escape after breakfast. The more n he put on grave digging duty, then less n to stand guard. Yet, my annoying cynical voice said, the captain was right. This was a dangerous world, and young girls didn’t survive long wandering the wilderness alone. Little girls, even lone adults, were food in these lands.
Never mind the magic, had I my armor, I’d be safer. Weapons other than the knife I was carrying. Maybe I could steal so, and a horse, but that seed unlikely. If they wouldn’t let go and they were soon leaving this area, my future was uncertain. Problematic. What would they do once they discovered who I was, the Princess Cayce of the Nevarre Kingdom?
Or if soone realized I was the one who slaughtered all their mages?
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